


Fab Five and Even

by Ye_Olde_Hedgehog



Category: SKAM (Norway)
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Fluff without Plot, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-24
Updated: 2020-07-24
Packaged: 2021-03-04 18:34:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 25,395
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25480981
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ye_Olde_Hedgehog/pseuds/Ye_Olde_Hedgehog
Summary: The Hei Briskeby boys are in need of an idea for a new youtube video. Isak Valtersen is in need of a makeover.Thanks to Sana, these two things collide...
Relationships: Even Bech Næsheim/Isak Valtersen
Comments: 11
Kudos: 143
Collections: SKAM Big Bang 2020





	Fab Five and Even

**Author's Note:**

  * For [emeraldandblue](https://archiveofourown.org/users/emeraldandblue/gifts).



> This fic is pretty much written for shits and giggles. There is no plot. There is no smut. There is no angst. It's basically just a poor excuse for the writer to hang out with her favourite characters for 25 000 words. And possibly make anyone reading it smile for a bit, so if you read it and it makes you smile - mission accomplished.
> 
> This was written for the 2020 Skam Big Bang, so... thanks to the mods for putting it together - and keeping it going despite all the shit this year has thrown at us.
> 
> The biggest thanks goes to my fan artist koedder-du, though - the best artist and support group of one a fic writer could ask for. All the love! <3

  
Here’s the [link](https://koedder-du.tumblr.com/post/624694352171745280/fab-five-and-even-by-teejaysnow-ao3-for) to [koedder-du’s](https://koedder-du.tumblr.com/) gif set - go give it some love!

“Are you quoting Star Wars at me? _Star Wars??_ This from the person who once told me that that whole mess of films was ‘a mass-produced, simplistic shedload of explosions aimed at film goers who wouldn’t know a good movie if it shoved a lightsaber up their arses’? I feel betrayed, Even! _Betrayed!!”_ Mikael was aiming his melodramatic speech more towards the rest of the Briskeby boys than towards Even and was met with four heads nodding in sympathy. They had all been on the wrong side of Even’s Star Wars’ speech before - Mutta even making that mistake twice. “And it’s one and a half months by the way. You are literally only _one and a half months_ older than me.”

“True, but… it feels like so much more, you know? I mean, with my maturity and good looks I could easily be mistaken for your hot young father,” Even countered, flicking his hair back in an exaggerated head move he’d once seen in an L’Oréal commercial. He _was_ worth it, after all.

The bickering would most likely have dragged on for another couple of minutes if a well directed flying object hadn’t taken them both by surprise. 

“I swear it’s like trying to run a nursery being friends with you lot,” Elias complained as he got up to retrieve the cushion, nervously checking that nothing bad had happened to it. Mama Bakkoush might let him get away with a lot of things, but damaging one of her beloved decorative cushions? Definitely not one of them. “Anyway, Sana has an idea for our next video.”

That made all of the Briskeby squad sit up and pay attention. Sana’s previous ideas had resulted in some of their channel’s most viewed videos so this could actually be good.

“I’m telling you, man, we’re hanging out with the wrong Bakkoush sibling,” Mutta said, receiving nods from Adam and Mikael.

“True. Also, Sana would never throw cushions at us,” Mikael added. “And she makes the best tea. _And_ she can make Yousef cook for us with just a small raise of an eyebrow.”

“She has very commanding eyebrows,” Even agreed. “I would not want to disobey those eyebrows. Those eyebrows _know_ things.”

“Sana would throw something much heavier than a cushion at you and you know it,” Elias protested. “Also, I would happily assist her, because you people truly are The. Absolute. Worst. Now _, do any of you want to hear about her idea?_ ”

“Yes, Elias, we would _love_ to hear what the brains of the family has for us.”

“You know the Netflix show Fab Five, right?” Elias asked, wisely ignoring Adam’s comment. “Well, Sana has this friend who she and another friend think needs a Fab Five type of makeover. He’s turning eighteen in a few days, so she and that other friend and some of her friends and friend’s friends are prepared to give us enough money to take him out and, like, style him. Maybe get some stuff for his room, which Sana says is pretty uninhabitable. And also we need to teach him how to cook. And make tea. Apparently the tea making is very important. Anyway, what do you guys think?”

“I’m sorry, you lost me somewhere among all the friends,” Mikael said. “How many friends are we talking about here? Because I don’t think I’ve heard anyone cram that many friends into one running sentence before.”

“Wait a minute, this guy has friends who are willing to give us money to go shopping for him? Can I trade you in for this guy’s friends, because, I mean… _U_ _pgrade!!”_

Adam received two thumps to the back of his head but his smug expression indicated that the comment still had been worth it.

“Do we have a photo of this friend so we know what we’re dealing with here?” Mutta asked, adding some practicality to the conversation. “Also, how much money, and do we know if he will agree to do this?”

“According to Sana, her friend can talk him into doing just about anything so the participation shouldn’t be a problem. And the budget would be 10 000 crowns or thereabout. So yes, Adam, I too would like to trade you all in for his friends. And yes, I’m sure there are some pictures of him on Sana’s Facebook, just… hold on...” Elias dug out his mobile and started scrolling through the Facebook app. “Yes, there. That’s our would-be victim right there. His name is Isak and according to Sana he’s the slobbiest slob to ever slob. That is a direct quote by the way.” 

Five heads huddled together over the small phone screen, looking at a photo of Sana smiling softly at a gangly boy towering over her and mugging for the camera. Even reached out and turned Elias’s hand a little to the right so he could squint at the photo from a better angle. Not that he hadn’t already squinted at that particular boy from every possible angle before. And not just squinted - looked, peeked, studied, watched, observed… let’s just say that when Sana’s new biology partner had started showing up for study dates at the Bakkoush residence the year before, Even had realised that there were some previously unforeseen perks of hanging out with Elias. Tilting his head, Even used his thumb and index finger to zoom in on the photo but froze and looked up at the sound of an amused snort. All five of his friends were now focusing on him instead of the phone screen.

“Found something to your liking there, didn’t you...?” Elias asked sweetly. Even decided he hated him the most out of all of his friends.

“You are _so_ predictable.” Nope. Even had changed his mind. Mikael was the one he hated the most. _Definitely_ Mikael. “Anyway, do we know if tall, blond and handsome have a significant other, or would our smitten giraffe over there be in with a chance?”

“Heeeey!!” Even complained, objecting on principle to being called a smitten giraffe - but also interested enough in the answer to not expand on that objection too much.

Elias shrugged and raised his head. “Sana,” he shouted in the direction of the hallway.

“What??” came an annoyed and equally loud reply.

“Does Isak have a boyfriend at the moment?”

“Who wants to know?” 

This time the voice was closer and a moment later Sana was leaning against the doorframe glaring at them.

“Even,” was Elias’s immediate answer, no hesitation in throwing his friend under the bus. Even would have to remember that for future reciprocation. Also, he was back to hating Elias the most.

Sana narrowed her eyes at Even, apparently debating whether he was worthy of an answer or not.

“No, no boyfriend at the moment,” she replied after a few seconds of judgemental silence. “I take it this means you’re doing it, then?”

Elias grinned toothily at Even, “Oh, we are. We _definitely_ are.”

Sana gave them all a long stare before nodding to herself and pushing off the doorframe. 

“Good,” she said, leaving the room.

Yousef coughed unconvincingly a couple of times before mumbling, “I just have to… some water, you know…” as he awkwardly shuffled off after her, determinedly ignoring the mocking kissing sounds following him down the hallway.

*****

“You _could_ offer to help, you know,” Even grumbled, trying to avoid getting a kidney crushed by the small but surprisingly heavy film camera hanging from his shoulder.

“ _I_ am not the one who decided to bring every last one of my belongings to this meeting. _You_ bring it, _you_ carry it,” Elias shrugged, clearly unmoved by his friend's struggle.

“If we’re doing this - and that is still a very big _if_ , Elias - then we need to do it full out. Which means we need footage of this meeting. So it’s not like I’m carrying this shit around for the fucking exercise, thanks.” Alright, so Even might be a bit grumpy, but after stumbling over his tripod for the third time since they’d left his flat he was not living his best life, okay?!

“Fine. Still not carrying anything though.”

“Of course you aren’t, you enjoy my sufferings too much,” Even sulked at him. So maybe he was more than a bit grumpy, but he was carrying around some _clearly_ homicidal filming equipment. He had probable cause for grumpy.

Elias rolled his eyes.

“I could have brought Mikael, you know. Or Yousef. But no, I had to bring the most high maintenance one of the group. And why? Because I’m a good person who lets his socially inept friend tag along so he can meet the boy he’s been staring pathetically at for months.”

“‘m _not_ socially inept,” Even replied petulantly. “And I’ve not been ‘staring pathetically’, I’ve just been...”

“There they are,” Elias interrupted, jogging off towards a group of people scattered around on a picnic blanket. Even felt a small pang of relief as he slowly followed Elias - he had definitely not had an acceptable ending to that sentence and was very grateful he wouldn’t have to think of one.

“Hello there, and who might _you_ be, hmm...?” There was an unfamiliar hand on Even’s thigh as the question was purred at him and he looked down into leering blue eyes. “Oh, _Sana_ , you’ve been _holding out_ on me...”

“Eskild? No! Bad Eskild! Down, boy!” It wasn’t Sana that replied but a grinning redhead who introduced herself as Eva and quickly rescued Even by placing herself between him and the now pouting man, who apparently was called Eskild. 

“I’m… Even?” Even offered, more as a question than an introduction, feeling very self conscious when four pairs of eyes suddenly turned towards him, carefully examining every last inch of him.

“ _You’re_ Even?” Eskild asked gleefully. “As in _Even_ , Even? Oh, I _approve_. I _definitely_ approve.”

“Um… thank you?” 

“If you two are quite finished…” Sana snapped at them and Even gave her an offended look. It wasn’t like _he’d_ been adding much to the disruption, was it? 

“Fine. We’re finished.” Eskild threw himself down on a jacket spread out on the grass beside the blanket and grinned lazily up at Even, “For now…” 

“Right. So that’s Eskild, one of Isak’s roommates. We’re all very sorry about him, feel free to ignore him whenever possible.” Eskild blew Sana a kiss and her dimples made an appearance as she blew a kiss right back. “Eva’s already introduced herself, the one with all the hair is Jonas, he’s Isak’s best friend, and the one over there is Linn, another one of Isak’s roommates. And these two are my annoying brother Elias and his not quite as annoying friend Even.”

Even managed a smile and an embarrassed half wave, deciding that ‘not quite as annoying’ was to be considered high praise coming from Sana - and also wishing that everyone would just _Stop._ _Staring._ _At. Him!_

“So how are we supposed to do this?” Elias asked, sitting down between Eva and Eskild and looking around the small circle of people. Even kneeled down beside him, grabbed the film camera, and let it pan over the suddenly silent group.

“Um… well, we were kinda hoping you two would have some ideas?” Eva hazarded, expression hopeful. “It’s just… well, we want him to have a nice room, for one. He took over Noora’s room at Kollektivet when she moved to London and he hasn’t really done anything about it, it’s just…”

“Boring,” Eskild cut in. “There is no personality to that room whatsoever. And whatever Baby Jesus is, boring isn’t it. Also, he could do with some new clothes so maybe he’ll stop stealing mine all the time.”

“So, room. Clothes. What else?”

“Maybe just… a day of pampering? Haircut, manicure, facemask, massage, the full spa experience?” Eva suggested. Even sent her a death glare through the viewfinder - no way were those curls coming off anytime soon if he had any say in it.

“Oh yes, that’s _perfect!_ He’ll bitch about it all through the day while loving every last second of it,” Eskild enthused with the indulgent smile of a parent talking about their little terror’s latest misdeed.

“Room, clothes, pampering,” Elias repeated, nodding thoughtfully. “And what was the budget again?”

“We have just over 13 000 crowns to spend, most of it courtesy of Eva’s parents,” Sana explained.

“The upside of having two shitty parents - double the guilt money and no interest whatsoever in where it goes. So I thought I’d just pass it on to Isak in shitty parents’ solidarity,” Eva said with a weary sigh. “And I could probably get another thousand or two if needed.”

Even put the camera down and looked over at Elias. 13 000? They could definitely make a more than decent makeover video out of that kind of money.

“Okay, we’re doing this,” he decided with a firm nod.

Eskild bounced up from where he was sitting and tried to give Even a tight hug, ending up half strangling him instead.

“Well, that’s good since I told Isak to meet us here in about five minutes and it would have been awkward as fuck if you’d said no.”

Even looked down and fiddled with the camera, because… shit, he was going to meet Isak? As in actually _talk_ to him? _Now??_ He hadn’t even had time to do his hair that morning. And because of some laundry related issues (he’d forgotten, okay? It happens?!), he was wearing his mother’s old, washed out Michael Bolton tour t-shirt. This was _not_ the first… well, first _ish_ impression he’d wanted to make.

“I don’t know, maybe I should just-” he began, desperately trying to think of a reason to leave, but…

“Isak! Over here!” Eskild yelled, waving enthusiastically at Isak - who slowly walked over to them, all the while glancing nervously at Even and his camera equipment.

“So. What’s the emergency?” Isak asked when he was close enough not to have to raise his voice.

“Isak. My little stray...”

“ _Not_ a pet, Eskild,” Isak complained with the long-suffering expression of someone all too familiar with the subject.

“Oh, I know. A pet would be less smelly and a lot more obedient. _Anyway_. Isak, my adopted son, my adorable baby gay, the apple of my eye, here is what will happen…”

“No,” Isak interrupted, shaking his head.

“But…”

“ _No._ ”

Eskild sighed and put his arm around Isak’s shoulders. 

“Excuse us for a moment,” he said, dragging Isak off towards a small group of trees a short way away - only to triumphantly return with a sullen Isak in tow after a couple of minutes of hushed but animated conversation.

“He’ll do it,” Eskild declared with a smug expression, ignoring Isak’s petulant eye roll with enviable ease. “Anyway, I just noticed that it’s getting kinda late and me and Linn have that yoga class at five so we’ll just have to…” Eskild gave the group his sunniest smile as he bent down to grab his jacket off the grass. Isak just snorted, grumbling, “Yoga, my arse,” under his breath.

“Right. And me and Jonas should probably go too, we have…” Eva cast Jonas a helpless glance.

“Yes. We do. So we’ll just… Bye!” Jonas agreed, not expanding on the excuse as he and Eva packed up the remains of their picnic as well as the oversized blanket.

Isak looked over at Sana, expression resigned. 

“And you?”

“Yeah, me and Elias have to go too. Meeting at the mosque, you know. Had completely forgotten about that. How stupid of me. But I’m sure Even can fill you in on everything you need to know.”

“Mmhm... You do know lying is a sin, right?”

Sana dimpled innocently at him.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about. Bye, Isabell.”

Even glared at Elias, but Elias only shrugged and nodded at Sana.

“What she said. Meeting at the mosque. Don’t know how we could have forgotten. Oops.”

Even scoffed at that. Elias didn’t even _try_ to sound convincing. 

After some uncomfortable seconds of silence while their friends quickly disappeared out of sight, Isak coughed and glanced up at Even.

“Right, so... _that_ was embarrassing,” he offered with a small head tilt and a hesitant smile.

Even searched for something to say in return. Preferably something witty. Or intelligent. Or at least _intelligible_.

“Your friends seem… nice?”

Yeah, so that was a no to that, then.

“‘Nice’? Really?? Not the word I would have gone with,” Isak muttered darkly.

“But you’re sure you want to do this? I mean, _really_ sure?” Even asked, looking for confirmation that Isak wasn’t being bullied into taking part.

Isak pulled a very... _expressive_ face, “Oh, I am one hundred percent sure I _don’t_ want to do it - but I want to be living with a passive aggressive Eskild even less, so… well, apparently I’ll be getting some new clothes and a clean room out of it at least?” Even smiled at that and Isak gave him a hopeful look, “So can I just point out that my living conditions would be greatly improved by the latest Fifa game? Preferably the Xbox one.”

Even’s smile widened, “I’ll make sure to mention that.”

“Thanks. Anyway, I guess I should just…” Isak gestured towards where he’d come from.

“Coffee?” Even asked at the same time, continuing when Isak just blinked at him, “We should go for coffee since… well, we should probably make some kind of plan as to how to do this. You know, so I know when you’re available and so on? Or… well, I don’t mean to say that you’re _available_ , I just… need to know when you have any spare time for filming? Or, rather, _we_ need to know. As in the whole Hei Briskeby team. Since we will all be doing the filming. Which is why we need to know. And I’m just going to stop talking now.”

Even could basically feel every one of his brain cells facepalm, because… well, remember that bit earlier about ‘intelligible’? Yeah, _that_...

“There’s a KB over at Skovveien,” Isak said, interrupting Even’s existential crisis. “We could maybe go there if you want?”

Even nodded eagerly. Oh yes, he wanted. He _most definitely_ wanted. 

“KB is fine, I just have to…” 

He hesitated as he eyed the filming equipment and tried to remember how he’d managed to carry it with him in the first place.

“Not quite as hipster-y as you look when it comes to your taste in coffee, then,” Isak commented, and Even gave him a mock hurt look (and chose not to bring up his Tim Wendelboe loyalty card), which Isak ignored in favour of picking up some of Even’s less fragile looking equipment. “And I _am_ , you know. Available, I mean.”

Even blinked, speechless, as Isak started to walk towards Skovveien - only scooping up the two cameras and the light meter left on the ground and hurrying after Isak when he turned around and gave Even an expectant look.

So… Isak was available, huh? Well, ‘available’ was good. Even could work with ‘available’.

*****

“Great conversation,” Even observed, breaking what was quickly becoming a very uncomfortable silence.

“Um. Yeah.” Isak shoved another piece of muffin into his mouth and chewed absentmindedly, clearly searching for something to say. “So... Pride starts tomorrow. You going?”

“Yes. Of course. You?”

Isak gave him an amused look. 

“You’ve met Eskild, what do you think?”

“Ah. Good point. Yeah, you’re definitely going, aren’t you?” When it seemed like the conversation would die down again after Isak’s hummed agreement, Even quickly continued, “Me and my girlfriend - well, ex-girlfriend now - used to hang out at Spikersuppa most evenings during last year’s Pride. Not sure about this year, though. What with that whole ex thing, and… yeah.”

“Sucks,” Isak nodded in sympathy. “It’s my first Pride, so I don’t know much, but… I guess Spikersuppa’s where it’s at, then? ‘cause Jonas’ been talking about it too. And Magnus, another friend, is really keen as well. He’s very...” Isak grinned, his first sign of feeling relaxed since they had entered Kaffebrenneriet, “... _supportive_ , I guess you could say.”

“Yeah, my friends are the same. I came out as pan, I think maybe three years ago? They’ve been there for me every step since.” 

If Even put a bit of extra emphasis on the word ‘pan’ just in case the mention of an ex-girlfriend had made Isak doubt his non-straightness, well… sometimes a boy had to do what a boy had to do.

“I doubt they’re the same kind of supportive as Mags, though. Or at least I hope not, for your sake. I mean, I’ve met less excitable jack russell puppies than him. But he’s...” Isak’s smile was full of indulgent affection, “He’s Magnus. You’ll understand once you meet him.”

“He’s going to have some serious expectations to live up to after that description,” Even replied, smiling too since… well, smiley Isak was contagious. 

“Oh, I’m sure he’ll manage to exceed them somehow. He’s nothing if not creative.”

“I have a strong feeling that letting your friends meet my friends will be a huge mistake. I mean, mine are bad enough without any external influence,” Even said with a rueful expression.

“Hard same,” Isak commiserated. “Or… I guess Jonas and Mahdi can be trusted - Eva, Magnus and Eskild, not so much. And with Eva involved, I have some serious doubts about Jonas too.”

“We’re pretty much fucked, aren’t we,” Even summed it up, exchanging a resigned look with Isak. 

“Pretty much,” Isak nodded, munching miserably at the last piece of his muffin.

“But as you said, at least you’ll get a clean room and some clothes out of it. For my last birthday I got the right to pick that weekend’s film and a large popcorn.”

Isak nodded again.

“Yeah, it’s just… it makes me feel like a charity case, I guess? I know they don’t mean it like that, but…” he shrugged, face scrunched up with discomfort.

This time Even was the one nodding.

“Yeah, I can see that. But if it makes you feel any better, most of the money seems to come from Eva’s parents, with her passing them on to you in, according to her, ‘shitty parents’ solidarity’”

Isak released a full on cackle at that.

“She would,” he managed, looking somewhat happier. “Well, if her dad is providing most of the money, then I feel a lot better taking it. He might even outshit _my_ dad, and _t_ _hat_ is quite the accomplishment.”

Even picked at his muffin, trying to make it last as long as possible, not wanting their… well, coffee date might be too big a word, but Even was prepared to use it anyway. At least in the privacy of his own mind. So, he didn’t want their coffee date to be over that soon, okay?

“Have you thought about what you’d like us to do to improve your room,” he asked to keep the conversation going.

Isak’s shrug was half hearted at best, his thoughts probably still lingering on the shittiness of parents.

“Not really, no. I mean, it’s pretty sad looking at the moment so anything you do will be an improvement, really.”

“Do you have any photos of it? Just to... maybe give me a feeling for it or something?”

“Do I really look like someone who takes photos of his bedroom,” Isak challenged with a sarcastic eye roll. Even could feel himself falling just that little bit more in… well, maybe not love, at least not yet, but… infatuation? Yeah, he was definitely falling in infatuation.

“Depends on what kind of photos we’re talking about,” Even said, raising his eyebrows suggestively and enjoying Isak’s subsequent blush more than he possibly should.

“That was not what I… I mean, I didn’t… oh, _fuck you_ ,” Isak finally decided on, glaring at Even.

“On the first date? What kind of boy do you take me for?” Even squawked, trying to sound scandalised.

“Oh, God, you’re a complete dork, aren’t you? Why do I even like you?” Isak asked - before he realised what he’d just said and quickly cleared his throat, “And no, I don’t have any kind of photos of my room, thanks. But if you’re finished I guess you could come back to Kollektivet and see for yourself?”

“Didn’t we just establish that I wasn’t that kind of boy?” Even asked with a shit-eating smirk. “But yeah, I’m finished, let’s go.”

Also - truth be told? He really _was_ that kind of boy.

*****

“Come on, spill. How did it go yesterday, did our plan work?” Elias asked, poking aimlessly at a pile of colour samples - way more interested in Even’s love life than in the thirty-three different shades of blue in front of him.

“You mean your plan to humiliate me in front of Isak? Oh, yes. Went off without a hitch, excellent job. Two very enthusiastic thumbs up,” Even snarked, shooting Elias a dark look. He was not prepared to forgive his traitorous friend _that_ easily, thanks. Not that he hadn’t enjoyed hanging out with Isak, because… oh, he had. He very much had. But... well, it was the _principle_ of the thing, okay?

“Come on, you know what I mean. What happened after we left, did you tell him you love him and want to have his babies? Will I be best man at your not so far in the future wedding?”

“You know, somehow none of those subjects came up. Shocking, I know.” Even crossed his arms and turned his glare towards Adam, who was holding up another colour card, “And _no_ , we are _not_ going to paint Isak’s room seduction blue. I don’t care how nice the colour looks, I am _not_ telling Isak his room is seduction coloured. Just... find another shade!”

“I did. I suggested eggplant and you nixed that one too,” Adam complained as he put the card back and continued to examine the samples in front of him. 

“Jeez, what kind of colour samples have you got there, Freud's colours for dummies? We are not painting his room eggplant coloured either!” Even was pretty sure most of Adam’s texts the night before had contained at least seven eggplants followed by a couple of peaches and he was _not_ going to agree to that mental image for Isak’s walls, thanks.

“Never mind about the colours, this was your first time actually interacting with him, did he live up to young Leo? Is he the man of your dreams?” Mikael intervened, evidently frustrated by the lack of forthcoming details.

“Mmm, yeah, I’d probably rank him somewhere between Ewan McGregor in Moulin Rouge and Baz himself,” Even replied - the words coming out a lot more sincere than the joke he’d intended them as. 

“Oh, so he’s the man of _those_ kind of dreams, is he…?” Mikael teased and Even only raised his eyebrows suggestively, smile smugger than a smile had any right to be. “Anyway, what happened last night, all we got was a text about you going over to his place to take some photos? We were expecting nudes, man.”

“Is this your way of asking for nudes, because… sorry, I don’t think we’re at that point of our relationship right now.” Mikael clutched at his chest in feigned dismay. “No, but… we really need to do something about that room, it’s...” Even shuddered and swiped through a couple of photos on his mobile just to show the rest of the boys exactly how ghastly the room was.

“Agreed, we _definitely_ need to paint those walls. I don’t care what colour we use but that kind of bland offwhite really hurt my soul,” Mutta agreed. He hesitated for a couple of seconds before continuing, “Why is there an Isak in almost every photo by the way?”

Even mumbled something indistinct in reply and the rest of the boys leaned forward with similar expressions of mocking curiosity.

“Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t quite catch that,” Mikael said, placing an elbow on the table so he could rest his chin in his hand. Probably to be able to enjoy Even’s discomfort more… well, comfortably, Even guessed. He probably should return to hate Mikael the most.

“I convinced him we needed it as a reference to get the spatial proportions right, okay?” he admitted, a little louder this time.

“Ah. Right. _Science_ ,” Elias nodded gravely, eyes sparkling with poorly suppressed glee.

“It was an editorial decision, okay? Can we return to what needs to be done to the room now?” Even grumbled, his cheeks much pinker than he found absolutely necessary.

“Do we have enough money for a new bed?” Yousef relented, eyeing the photo critically. “Or at least a new mattress topper, that thing looks a bit… well, tired?”

“Paint. Bed,” Mutta mumbled, scribbling it down on a piece of paper he’d found who knows where. “Bedding?”

“Yeah, I’m thinking a fluffy duvet and a shitload of cushions and blankets, just... making it a cozy corner to relax in?” Mikael agreed.

“Desk? According to Sana he’s almost as smart as she is so he probably needs somewhere for all that studying he must be doing?” Elias suggested.

“And plants? For the cozy corner?”

Mutta nodded and added ‘shitload of bedding, desk, plants’ to the list.

“How about some lamps? I mean, that ceiling lamp probably passed its best before date sometime in the 70s.”

Everyone agreed with Even’s assessment and Mutta added ‘lamps’.

“Okay, so… this might prove more expensive than expected,” he mused, chewing on the pencil while looking at the list.

“Well, after seeing those photos, paint is definitely a must. As long as we do it ourselves that’s maybe 1000 tops? The bed looks like a 120 centimetre one, hopefully the mattress is good and we only need to get a topper, that’ll be another 2000 or so for a really good one. Add another 1500 to make it cozy and we’re at 4500. I can probably get this really ugly looking desk off my uncle for free, but I think it could look pretty good if we paint it. That leaves lamps. Maybe a rug?” Elias looked at the rest of the boys, silently requesting their input.

“We could probably go to Arba for lamps and shit? Both my older brothers got a lot of their stuff from there when they moved out. It’s second hand but like, really cool second hand? I can borrow mum’s car Monday or Tuesday and we can go check it out?” Adam suggested, receiving high fives from both Mutta and Elias.

“Okay, so that leaves us 8500 minus…” Mutta chewed harder on the pen, “okay, let’s take 1500 off for unexpected stuff for the room, that leaves us with 7000 for clothes and pampering. Mikael, you think your cousin could give us a good price on a haircut?”

Mikael shrugged. 

“I could probably get him to do it for free in exchange for dinner, he’s a sucker for mum’s cooking.” 

“Good, that’s another post down. And we’ll get on to the pampering once we know how much money we have left after the clothes. Which leaves us with…”

They all turned towards Even, who could recognise an ambush when he saw one. 

“I hate you guys so much right now,” he told them, voice void of emotion.

“Meh. We’ll survive,” Mikael shrugged.

“She hates me.”

“No, she doesn’t. And she has this nice little thing called staff discount. Which means we can stretch our bundle of cash a bit further - which means _you_ get to see the man of your dreams model even more clothes.”

Even could feel his resistance weaken at that very well thought out argument.

“Fine, I’ll talk to her. But I’m not making any promises.”

Mikael put an arm around his shoulder and dragged him into a messy side hug. 

“We believe in you, you’re the Sonja Whisperer after all. You can do it.”

Even freed himself and glared at Mikael.

“‘The Sonja Whisperer’? And you wonder why you two never got along?”

“Nah, I’ve always known it was because she felt threatened by my obvious talent and good looks.”

“Matched only by your modesty, of course.”

Mikael grinned and gave Even’s cheek an unnecessarily wet kiss. 

“Of course,” he agreed.

“So. That’s Even down for clothes. And Sonja whispering, apparently,” Mutta cut in, writing it down. “Mikael is on hair and Elias on ugly desk, I’ll put Yousef down for pampering, me and Adam will do the painting, and then we can all do the furniture...” he furrowed his brows, “You think we can fit everything into your mum’s car, Adam?”

“It’s a Volvo,” Adam replied as if that was enough of an answer.

“Fine, so Adam and whoever else is free on the day do Ikea and that second hand place. That only leaves the cooking and I volunteer Even for that job.”

“But if I’m on clothes and cooking, who’ll do the filming?”

“Mikael?” Mutta looked like it was an obvious choice, causing Even’s expression to drop into a disappointed pout

“But I’ve got this really cool new lens dad brought back from the States that I wanted to try out,” he complained. Well, he might also want to spend the next couple of days following Isak around with a camera, but that was probably not the best argument for his cause.

The rest of the boys looked at each other for a few seconds before shrugging in unison.

“We’re fine with you doing some of the filming, but you’re definitely not filming the clothes shopping part. Partly because we don’t need carefully lighted soft porn on our channel, partly because we need you to butter up Sonja - we could really use that employee discount, you know - but mostly because… well, we all know why _that_ is...”

“ _I_ don’t,” Even sulked, looking very put upon.

“Don’t worry, you’ll figure it out,” Elias said, clumsily patting Even’s cheek and quickly pulling his hand away when Even swatted at it.

“So did you and Isak figure out a good time for us to start today’s filming anyway?” Mutta, who by now seemed to have taken charge of the project, asked.

“Yeah, no, not anything conclusive, no…” Even admitted, trying not to look as sheepish as he felt.

“Fine, can you call him now and ask when it’s a good time for us to come over?”

“Umm…”

“You did get his number while you were doing that spatial proportions photoshoot, right?” Elias asked with a deep sigh - pretending like he didn’t already know the answer.

“Not as such, no…?”

“Jeez, Even, you’ve got even less game than Adam.”

“Heeey!” Even and Adam chorused in protest.

Elias rolled his eyes and turned towards the door.

“Sana!”

“ _Now_ what?” Sana said, appearing in the doorway like she’d been waiting just outside.

“We need Isak’s phone number because Even is hopeless.”

“Hm.” Sana gave Even an icy glare. “Fine, I’ll forward it to you.”

Even stared after her as she left the room.

“What was with all the…?” he asked with a bewildered gesture towards the door.

Having already received Isak’s number, Elias fiddled with his mobile.

“Hm? Oh, Sana? Well, it seems that someone, let’s call him ‘Even’, was having coffee with her favourite biology bud yesterday. So that someone is now being monitored _very_ closely. Good luck with that, man...”

Adam sniggered, “Yeah, Yousef is feeling very threatened right now, she’s never been that protective of him.”

“Not threatened,” Yousef grumbled at no one in particular - sounding at least a little bit threatened.

“Can I just point out that I was abandoned by people I thought were my friends, what was I supposed to do? Also, we needed some more information for this video to work, right? I was doing it for the production value,” Even explained, his expression as sanctimonious as he could make it.

“Production value, is that what the kids call it these days?” Mikael mumbled under his breath, causing Adam to snort loudly.

“Okay, Isak didn’t answer his phone but I talked to Eskild and he said we could come over straight away. So. Fab Briskeby is go,” Elias interrupted.

“Fab Briskeby? That’s your idea of a catchy title?” Even didn’t look particularly impressed.

“Not a fan? How about Briskeby Five?”

“Briskeby _Five_? How did you even manage a four in maths?”

“Briskeby Five and Even?”

“And now I’m apparently being kicked off the channel…”

“Fab Five and Even then, fusspot.”

Even was still not happy, but with a majority of five to one, ‘Fab Five and Even’ was born.

*****

”I _know_ , can you _believe_?” 

Mutta was doing his best JvN impression - which _was_ pretty impressive by the way - and Even grinned to himself where he was walking a couple of metres behind the loud, enthusiastic Briskeby squad. Usually he would be right in the middle of that unorganised chaos, but considering how Mikael was zooming in and out while filming their walk on his phone, Even had a feeling that they would need to edit in some less motion sickness inducing footage as well. Also, he might need a bit of peace and quiet to calm him down before another Isak encounter - but nobody needed to know about _that_.

“Looking forward to today?” 

Even startled at Yousef’s voice by his ear followed by an arm thrown carelessly around his shoulders. Right. So that was a no to the peace and quiet then.

“Yeah, I think the concept of the video is great and we should be able to do something really interesting with it,” he answered diplomatically.

“Mmhm, right. The _video_...” Even did not appreciate the amusement in Yousef’s voice. Nor in his facial expression. “Sana talked to Isak yesterday, by the way. Apparently he thinks you have some really good ideas for it.”

Even couldn’t quite hide his pleased smile.

“Yeah, I might have made a few suggestions on how to improve the room,” he admitted, irrationally proud that Isak had talked about liking his ideas.

“Right. The room. Is it really as bad as those pictures show?”

“Oh, it’s _worse_ ,” Even said, shuddering at the memory. That room would make a prison cell feel cosy. “It’s just… it’s all hospital white, and the only decorations are some outdated memes and a Sports Illustrated swimsuit poster that’s been there since before he came out. I’m telling you, if Dante was alive today he’d add an extra circle of hell based on that room alone.”

Yousef snorted.

“Always with the understatements, aren’t you? But don’t worry, I’m sure Adam and his ’not safe for work’ colour scheme will work wonders with those walls.”

“We. Are. Not. Painting. The. Room. Seduction. Blue,” Even growled with a dark glare at Yousef - who only shrugged, apparently not too bothered either way. 

“You know, for someone who wants to paint the room In The Navy Blue you throw a lot of stones in that glass house you’re living in. I swear Mutta has been humming that stupid song ever since the first time you suggested it.”

“It’s a great colour,” Even sulked. Also, who didn’t want some Village People in their life? 

“Not to mention expensive. How on earth did you manage to find the most expensive colour on the market on your first try?”

“It’s a great colour,” Even repeated stubbornly.

“Fine. In The Navy it is. Pretty sure Elias has some good semen jokes lined up already, so… good luck explaining those to Isak.”

Yeah, Even had been right in deciding to go back to hating Elias the most. Good choice there, past Even.

“Elias sucks.”

“That is no way to talk about my future brother-in-law. But also true,” Yousef replied with an infectious grin.

“Brother-in-law, huh? Have you and Sana finally had ‘the talk’ then?”

“We’re not talking about me and Sana now, this is an Isak and Even only conversation,” Yousef retaliated. “How is that going, by the way?”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about, I only met the guy yesterday,” Even replied in a very ‘no sir, butter wouldn’t melt in my mind, sir’ way.

“You know, subtlety never was your greatest gift, Even,” Yousef pointed out. “You’ve been giving Isak some serious puppy dog eyes ever since the first time he walked into Elias’ kitchen. The amount of obliviousness that boy possesses is amazing, really.”

Even groaned and decided the conversation had gone on long enough - he _was_ a one man second unit film crew after all.

“Shhh. Go bother the rest of the guys, I’m being very busy and important filming stuff here.”

“Of course you are.” Yousef’s broad smile suggested that he wasn’t fooled for a second by Even’s sudden professionalism, but he happily ran off to tackle Mutta, who was deeply engrossed in Adam’s story about last weekend’s hookup. Even simply huffed and raised his camera to film the last minutes of their walk to Kollektivet.

*****

“Yes?” Eskild’s tinny voice said through the intercom.

“We. Have arrived,” Elias announced in a pompous tone, and the door buzzed open. 

There was a bit of shoving and a lot of shuffling as the Briskeby squad charged up the stairs and into Kollektivet. Linn only took one look at them before grabbing her cereal bowl and escaping to her room - while Eskild on the other hand didn’t seem to mind the noisy hord in the least.

“Oooh, you’ve brought me gifts, you really shouldn’t have,” he exclaimed happily, eyeing up the four boys he hadn’t met before with great appreciation. “Hello, boys, I’m Eskild. Welcome to my humble abode.”

The four who hadn’t yet had the pleasure of Eskild’s company shot him and his short silk robe nervous looks, but Elias only grinned and dragged Eskild into a quick hug, with Even following suit.

“So where’s Isak,” Even couldn’t stop himself from asking and Eskild sighed dramatically.

“Typical. The most handsome man of my acquaintance and all he wants from me is to know where Baby Jesus is.” He turned to the rest of the boys, raising his wrist to his forehead in a gesture of exaggerated despair. “Am I over the hill already? Have I lost my attractiveness? O, that this too, too solid flesh would melt.”

“Nah, I’d still do you,” Mutta consoled him with a pat on his shoulder and a suggestive eyebrow wiggle and Eskild immediately perked up.

“Oh, I _like_ you. You can stay. But the rest of you are on thin fucking ice, especially you,” he decided, glaring at Even. “Anyway, Baby Jesus has yet to rise. Feel free to go wake him up, it’s the last room on the right. You can’t miss it, just follow the smell of boy farts and teenage angst.”

There was another scuffle as the boys all fought their way into Isak’s room.

“Good morning, Sunshine, time to get up,” Adam singsonged at the strand of hair that was all that was visible outside the well wrapped up cocoon on the bed.

“Go away, I’m sleeping,” the strand replied grimly.

“Sorry, no can do, my dear. We have a video to shoot.”

This made Isak stick his head out and blink tiredly at them.

“ _Please_ go away?” he tried with a resigned look that Even made sure to capture on film.

“Wow, you definitely didn’t exaggerate about the room,” Yousef observed, ignoring Isak in favour of studying their surroundings.

Even did a quick sweep with the camera before returning it towards the bed where more of Isak now had emerged. A _lot_ more. Like _finding out that Isak wore green boxer briefs to bed_ more, which… Even fumbled with the camera, almost dropping it.

“And _that_ is why you’re not filming the clothes segment,” Mikael, who had sneaked up behind him, whispered in his ear.

“Fuck you,” Even whispered back, determinedly ignoring Mikael’s huff of laughter as he got a firmer hold on the camera and returned it towards the bed - where Yousef now had pulled out a measuring tape and was communicating measurements to Mutta, who meticulously wrote them down.

“120. So are we going for the topper then?”

Mutta shrugged and jumped on the bed, mostly missing Isak, who, to Even’s delight, jumped out of bed and turned a baleful glare at the intruder.

“What the fuck-” he started, but Elias silenced him with a reprimanding tut.

“Language, Isak. Language. We aim for wholesome family entertainment on our channel, you know.”

“I’ve watched your channel and like fuck you do,” Isak muttered before realising that he might have said too much.

“You’ve been watching our channel?” Mikael asked, eyes bright as he pounced at the admission. 

“I’m going to go get dressed now,” Isak deflected with a quick glance at Even before grabbing jeans and a t-shirt from the pile of clothes on the floor and pushing his way through the gaggle of boys standing between him and the door.

“We are _not_ finished with this subject,” Mikael shouted after him and laughed out loud when Isak just showed him a middle finger without turning around.

“So. What’s the verdict?” Even asked Mutta who was still bouncing around on the bed.

“Shouldn’t you be the one deciding since you’re the one wanting to get in it?” Mikael asked innocently.

“He does have a point,” Elias agreed. “Mutta, you’re Isak. Even, you’re you. Now, go lie on the bed.”

“No.”

“We need an informed decision - do we need to get a bigger bed or not. You’re the most likely person here to benefit from the decision, so. You. Mattress. Now.”

Right. Even could definitely see where Sana got her bossiness from, he decided, as he glumly shuffled over to the bed and laid down.

“Hey, keep your bony elbows to yourself,” Mutta complained as he scrambled over to the other side.

“You try to stay on your side and me and my elbows stay on mine,” Even grumbled back as he tried to shift into a more comfortable position.

“You’ve already decided on sides? Does Isak know?”

“Does Isak know what? And what the hell are you doing?” Isak asked, staring at the display from a respectable distance.

“Umm… we were just…” 

Apparently none of the Briskeby squad knew how to finish Mutta’s sentence so they just let it hang in the air. Isak shook his head and fetched a pair of clean boxer briefs from the clothes pile.

“Never mind, I don’t want to know. But please don’t break the bed, I kind of like it.”

“Mmmph,” Even agreed, mouth full of Mutta’s hair as they both tried to snuggle up to each other to better fit on the mattress.

With a final curious look at them, Isak left for the bathroom and Even removed the tuft of hair and glared at Mutta.

“I hate you,” he informed him dispassionately.

“How was I to know he was coming back? Anyway, turn over.”

“What? Why?”

“So I can spoon you,” Mutta said as if it was obvious. Which Even didn’t think it was, thanks.

“ _Why?_ ” he asked again, this time a bit more apprehensive.

“To see if you and your boy can fit comfortably in this bed, of course. Turn over.”

Even turned over and was immediately wrapped into Mutta’s arms while the rest of the boys were circling the bed with focused expressions.

“There’s a bit of room on this side,” Adam said, poking at Even’s stomach to get him to move back.

“Almost half a metre on this side,” Elias replied from the other side. “And Isak doesn’t have half as much junk in the trunk as Mutta has.”

“Hey, no need to be jealous just because my junk brings all the boys to the yard. And damn right, it’s better than yours, by the way.”

Even quickly got out of the bed as Elias moved in for retaliation, and the resulting brawl had Eskild entering the room to check what was happening.

“Is it always like this?” he asked Even, who by now had reclaimed the camera and was filming Elias trying to shove a pillow in Mutta’s face.

“Pretty much,” Even replied calmly, taking a step back when a flailing arm came a bit too close to some of his more vulnerable parts.

“Huh. Guess I need to check out your channel then,” Eskild observed absentmindedly, eyes firmly fixed on Elias bum. Even made an effort not to smirk too much.

“You should. I’m sure there are quite a few videos that would… appeal to your interests.”

“So. Do we need to get a new mattress or will a topper be enough?” Yousef asked, ignoring the fight for more pressing matters.

“Well, as long as those two idiots don't destroy it, the mattress is fine. A bigger one would be nice of course, but, with our budget…” Even shrugged and Yousef nodded in agreement.

“Topper it is. And I think Elias’ ugly desk would work well over at that wall? And we’ll need a chair for it, by the way.” 

“Mm. And you think maybe a corner shelf over there? You know, for the plants and shit?”

Yousef nodded, “Yeah, and I saw some old photos on the windowsill, maybe a couple of frames for them for that shelf too? We could match the shelf with the wall colour, and then green plants, silver frames? Or would white frames be better?”

“I think silver?” Even hazarded, staring at the corner and trying to picture it. “Hey. Arsehole.” He poked Mutta with his foot. “We need some stuff added to the list.”

Mutta rolled off the bed and pulled out the by now rather wrinkled list.

“Okay, shoot.”

“Chair for Elias’ ugly table, corner shelf for plants, frames for some old photos,” Even recited.

“‘k. What size for the frames?”

Even looked over at Yousef, who shrugged and pulled out the tape measure as he walked over to the window.

“ _Whoa!!_ That is the cutest shit I’ve ever seen,” Elias cooed, standing behind Yousef and looking over his shoulder.

“Show me,” Mikael demanded, poking Yousef in the back and trying to poach the photo Elias was holding. “Wow, is that _Isak?_ ”

“Cute, wasn’t he?”

Even took the floor in three strides and grabbed the photo the rest of the boys were cooing over. Which… _God_ , yes, Elias was right. That was the cutest shit _anyone_ had ever seen, Even was sure of it. Baby Isak with long, blond hair sitting cross legged in his little football attire drinking from a juice box must be what angels aspired to look like. He shot his friends - and Eskild - a challenging glare while taking a snapshot of the photo. 

“Well, that wasn’t creepy at all,” Mutta said with an amused headshake. “Now, frame sizes.”

“I think three 13x18, one 10x15, and one 15x20,” Yousef reported, rolling up the tape measure.

Mutta wrote down the numbers and shoved the paper back into his pocket.

“Okay, fine. Is there anything else in here we can use?”

“We could probably use the bedside table? It looks a bit meh, but… I guess it does its job? A coat of paint and it’ll fit in well enough?” Mikael suggested tentatively.

“True, but… does it spark joy?” Adam replied with a small snigger.

“Maybe not, but I’m pretty sure the loo roll on top of it does,” Eskild chimed in, causing a choir of juvenile giggles.

“What’s so funny?”

Even could still hear Mikael’s muffled sniggers when he turned around and once more almost dropped the camera. Fresh-out-of-the-shower Isak was something to behold, and Even was most happily beholding. 

“Right. I have… something on the stove. I’ll just…” Eskild quickly removed himself from the room and Isak watched the exit with his arms crossed and a suspicious look on his face.

“What did he say?” he demanded, piercing Yousef with his eyes.

“He didn’t… well… he might have…” Yousef looked helplessly at his friends.

“He just pointed out that that loo roll could be seen as your source of nightly entertainment,” Adam divulged helpfully.

“He… of _course_ he did.” Isak sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. “Excuse me while I go murder him. _Eskild!!”_

“You realise you just announced that on camera?” Even pointed out, holding up the camera as proof.

“Don’t care. The moment I tell the court what I have to put up with on a daily basis they’ll agree that it was done in self defense.”

Even held up his hands in defeat and watched the murderous Isak go in search of his intended victim. 

Well, one thing was certain, Isak was cute when he was homicidal.

*****

“He likes to think that he’s this heartless loner who can do everything on his own and doesn’t need anyone, but truth be told he’s just this sweet, soft, marshmallow-y boy who maybe cares a bit too deeply. He just tries very hard not to show it,” Eskild said, and Even had to fight back a small ‘aww’ at that.

“He’s turning eighteen in a couple of days and has lived here about a year. That’s pretty early to move away from home, isn’t it?” Mikael asked from behind the camera - sounding terrifyingly much like Dr Phil.

Eskild’s face clouded over at the question. 

“Well, that is Isak’s story to tell. Or not tell. But let’s just say that if I ever were to meet his father, I’d have a few choice words for the bastard.”

“So... you have kinda stepped in as an extra father?”

“I prefer to see myself as a handsome and experienced older brother, thanks,” Eskild countered, preening a bit for the camera.

“And as the handsome and experienced older brother, what would you like to see Isak get out of this experience?” Mikael asked, smile audible in his voice.

“I think what we all want most of all is for him to just... have a home? Because right now all he has is this impersonal space where he sleeps, and he really deserves better. The clothes and makeover are more to make him feel better about himself, but to actually give him a home?” Eskild’s cheerful expression fell for a few seconds and you could tell how much he really cared for Isak. “That prickly little teenager actually thinks that he deserves all the shit that life has thrown at him, and we are _not_ at home for Mr Disillusion any longer. Isak is a part of this family, dysfunctional as it might be, and this _is_ his fucking home. And if he can’t see that on his own, then we are going to _force_ him to see it!”

“Hell, yeah!”

Mikael panned over to where Linn had just appeared in the kitchen and she looked a little apprehensive at the sudden attention.

“So if Eskild is Isak’s older brother, you are...” 

“ _Handsome_ older brother,” Eskild interrupted.

“Fine, his _handsome_ older brother,” Mikael repeated with an eye roll, “does that make you the older sister?”

Linn wrinkled her nose in disgust. 

“I think I prefer to be the cool aunt from whatever side of the family Eskild isn’t, thanks.”

Eskild gave her a betrayed look.

“You come into my house and disrespect me and my family like this? I am saddened by the lack of loyalty I am experiencing right now,” he objected.

“Right, so independent of the… somewhat complicated family tree you have going on here, what do _you_ hope Isak will get out of this?” Mikael asked Linn.

“I agree with Eskild,” she replied, looking down at her feet before turning towards the camera. “I want him to realise that he belongs here. With us. And I also hope that he gets some more clothes, because he always forgets to do laundry and the clothes he deems clean enough aren’t always clean enough. Just saying.”

She gave the camera a long glare before walking out of the kitchen.

“Right. I think that’s a wrap on that, then,” Mikael decided, trying hard not to laugh. He turned the camera off and looked over at Even, “You go inform your boy that tomorrow is the big wardrobe day - and maybe get his phone number this time - and I’ll finish up here.”

Even was halfway out the kitchen before Mikael had even finished the sentence, ignoring the mocking snigger following him.

*****

**Hi, I’m at Mcdonalds.**

**At Nedre Slottsgate.**

**This is Even btw.**

**Bech Næsheim.**

Even stared at the multiple texts in glum resignation, hoping that if he looked at them long enough they wouldn’t make him seem quite so desperate. No such luck so far, but… well, hope springs eternal? His misery was interrupted by the chiming of an incoming message and he flinched in apprehension.

**Jeez, how many Even do you think I know?**

Even hesitated.

**Me?**

**Yeah. So it’s on you to keep up all the other Evens’ reputation, you know. And you’re not doing a great job of it so far.**

Even hadn’t time to think of an answer to that before the mobile chimed again.

**I’m outside btw.**

Right. That was… Even shoved the last piece of burger into his mouth and dumped the trash before hurrying down the stairs towards the exit.

“Hi,” he greeted Isak, slightly breathless from running. Well, _mostly_ from running, he was pretty certain some of the breathlessness could be accredited to Isak-related issues as well. He took a step closer, debating whether hugging would be an acceptable form of greeting or if he should just go for a bro shake, and was pleasantly surprised when Isak initiated a quick hug.

“Where are we going?” Isak wanted to know.

“Mikael’s waiting for us over at Peak, and after that… the world is our oyster.”

Which in all honesty meant that Even hadn’t planned that far ahead. It wasn’t like he cared much where they went afterwards anyway, not as long as he got to go there with Isak.

“Mmmkey, I’m just going to…” Even lost Isak to the display in the Fjällräven storefront across the street. “I could really use a new backpack, you know,” he pointed out when Even finally caught up with him.

“I’m sure you could, but the state of your wardrobe says clothes are a priority,” Even replied, firmly quashing the none too subtle hint.

“Hey, there is nothing wrong with my wardrobe.”

“Hm. Well, apart from your hoodie to shirt ratio being somewhat high, that is. Not to mention that half of ‘your’ shirts were Eskild's to begin with.”

Isak huffed in annoyance at not having a comeback to that. 

“Well, a backpack would still be more useful,” he maintained stubbornly, his expression that of a particularly displeased kitten.

“No, it wouldn’t. Now come help me keep Mikael and Sonja from killing each other.”

They could see Mikael pacing back and forth outside of Peak Performance as soon as they turned the corner into Karl Johan, and both Even and Isak greeted him with quick hugs.

“Why didn’t you wait for us inside?” Even asked, and Mikael looked at him like Even had just suggested he’d wrestle a tiger armed only with an exceptionally bad tempered cobra.

“Without backup? I would have been dead in seconds.”

Even rolled his eyes at him.

“You’re being ridiculous and you know it. Sonja isn’t that bad.”

“Yes she is, you’ve just always been too horny to realise.”

Even simply flipped him off and pushed the door open.

“Hi, Sonja, thanks for doing this for us,” he called out, walking over to the tall blonde girl behind the counter to give her a tight hug - mostly in greeting, but also partly to keep her from attacking Mikael. Old habits die hard, after all.

“Hi, Even,” she returned with a quick kiss to his cheek.

“Sonja,” Mikael offered, more a statement of fact than a greeting.

“Arsehole.” 

Her reply was also uttered mostly as a statement and Mikael and Sonja stared unblinkingly at each other for a couple of seconds before Mikael shook his head and decided that, “I’ll go set up the camera, shall I?”

“Good idea,” Sonja agreed, turning her attention back to Even and Isak.

“Well, _that_ went better than expected,” Even commented, his expression a combination of amusement and fond exasperation. “Anyway, this is Isak. Be nice.”

“I’m always nice.” Sonja said, ignoring Mikael’s disbelieving huff with what seemed to be well practised ease. “Hi, I’m Sonja, Even’s ex and Mikael’s arch nemesis. And the person with the staff discount, which some people seem to have forgotten,” she continued, raising her voice and turning around to shoot a pointed glare at Mikael - who only huffed again.

“Um, yeah, hi, I’m Isak,” Isak mumbled, eyeing her nervously as they exchanged a brief handshake.

“Right. So. Let’s go have fun, shall we?” Sonja suggested in an effort to lighten the slightly awkward atmosphere. “Even wasn’t too clear on the phone yesterday so I don’t really know what you’re after, but I’ve set out a few ideas based on his description of you. Which-” Sonja shot Even a disapproving look, “-could have used a bit more details, thanks.”

“I gave you details,” Even complained.

“‘Blond and a bit shorter than me’ isn’t what anyone would call a detailed description, Even.” 

Sonja’s exasperated eye roll lacked any real annoyance and since Even didn’t have a good response, he turned to the small assortment of shirts and jumpers and grabbed the first one he saw.

“Here, try this one,” he said, shoving it into Isak’s arms.

Isak raised his eyebrows at the hoodie.

“Didn’t you tell me I have too many hoodies just a few minutes ago? Also, it’s white. It’ll get dirty just by me breathing on it.”

“So hold your breath while you pull it on and then keep holding it until you take it off again,” Even shrugged, crossing his arms. “Also, this hoodie will give you a much more stylish look than that threadbare thing you wore yesterday. Fashion, you know.”

“I _like_ that ’threadbare thing’, thanks. It’s comfortable,” Isak replied petulantly, lifting the - admittedly nice looking but still very _white_ \- hoodie between his thumb and forefinger.

“It also comes in a light green,” Sonja interrupted. “Which I think might suit your colours better, by the way. Just give me a sec.

She went off to look for the green version and Even seized the opportunity to hiss, “Behave,” at the sniggering Mikael - who only shot him an innocent smile and continued to fiddle with the camera.

“Here, try this on,” Sonja said on her return, handing Isak a mint green hoodie.

Isak nodded his thanks, pulled off his (or rather Eskild’s, but that didn’t mean Even had a point, okay?!) shirt, and dove head first into the surprisingly soft hoodie.

“We do have fitting rooms, you know,” Sonja commented, eyebrows arched in benign surprise.

“Nah, I think our viewers will enjoy this way a lot more. Right, Even…?” Mikael smirked, the mocking obvious in his tone.

“Hm?”

Yeah, it was quite clear that Even hadn't paid attention to a word that had been said.

“Nevermind.” 

Mikael and Sonja exchanged an exasperated eye roll before Mikael turned to talk to the camera. “So. Hello, viewers. Mikael here, since as you can see, Even’s… well, let’s call it brain for lack of a better word, is otherwise occupied at the moment. And we’re here with our pet project of the week - Isak. Say hello to the viewers, Isak.”

Isak gave the camera a small wave, quickly interrupted as he - unsuccessfully - tried to stop Mikael from pulling up the hoodie to show off his bum.

“Oh, God,” was all he managed to sigh before giving in to the inevitable.

“Just look at this, dear viewers. No wonder our domestic giraffe over there is having problems getting his shit together.”

“Piss off,” Even mouthed, lifting his eyes from where they'd - unsurprisingly - been focused for the last couple of seconds.

“Now, I think I saw a pair of shorts on that table, how about you try them on next, hm? Shake that little tush on the catwalk?”

A year of living with Eskild had made Isak almost immune to all kinds of embarrassment so he simply nodded and looked from the shorts to Sonja.

“Um… so, fitting room…?” he asked - because living with Eskild had also taught him the importance of retreating and regrouping.

Sonja pointed to the passage just behind him and Isak grabbed the shorts and fled.

“You. Are. _So_. Dead,” Even threatened the moment Isak had disappeared into the nearest cubicle.

“Meh. May I remind you that I know all your weaknesses, I can take you.”

“A determined five year old with one arm tied behind their back could take him, you know. You’re not that special,” Sonja sniped at him.

“Thanks, Sonja, your compliments are as sweet as ever,” Mikael sniped back.

“But yeah, Twatwaffle over there is right, you’re being ridiculous,” she continued, unperturbed, as she turned back to Even. “Just tell the boy you want to have his babies and be done with it.”

Mikael held up his hand for - and received - a high five and Even glared at the two of them.

“I hate it when you two gang up on me, it’s unnatural.”

“You guys do know the fitting rooms aren’t sound proof, right?”

All three turned around, expressions a varying degree of sheepish, as Isak eyed them with mild curiosity.

“Right, well, I’ll just…” Mikael began and Isak took a step back and grabbed at the bottom edge of the hoodie.

“Mmyeah, no, I think the viewers got enough of an eyeful the first time, and if _you_ want another feel you’ll have to buy me a drink first.”

“You’re no fun,” Mikael complained. “Also, what kind of drink? Asking for a friend.”

“Depends on the friend.”

Sonja, who’d been circulating Isak and pulling at the shorts to make them sit better, absentmindedly muttered, “Even,” before taking a step back and admiring her handiwork.

Isak pursed his lips as he slowly looked Even up and down.

“A beer?” he hazarded.

A beer? Even could definitely buy him a beer.

“Tilt?” he suggested.

“Hm?”

“We could go for a beer over at Tilt? Afterwards?”

“We’re going to Tilt? Awesome, I still owe you a rematch since you suck at Space Invaders. Hi, Sonja.”

Even couldn’t remember who he’d last decided he hated most of his friends - but right now it was definitely Elias, who had just barged into both the shop and the conversation.

“ _You_ are not invited,” he informed him icily.

“What? Why, is it because…” Elias finally caught Mikael’s 'abort mission' gestures and realised what he was interrupting. “Oh. Yeah. But not today, of course. Too much to do. Homework. Lot’s of it. Life of a university student, you know.”

Isak looked from him to Mikael and back again.

“You realise that Sana’s told me about your gap year, right?”

Even felt like a facepalm was called for. Also…

“I wonder how much of today’s footage we’ll actually be able to use,” he mused.

“We can probably make a montage if you four have fucked it up too bad,” Elias suggested. “Nice outfit by the way.”

“Nah, I’m sure the footage we have will be... very entertaining,” Mikael replied, his expression a little too smug for Even’s taste. “But yeah. Outfit. What do you think, Isak?”

“Nice. Very comfortable,” Isak replied with an approving nod at his reflection.

“Great, so… that’s a yes to the shorts and hoodie. Where’s Mutta with his list when you need him?”

“Mutta’s at footie practice, but the list is present,” Elias said, pulling out the ever wrinklier piece of paper.

“Okay, add shorts and hoodie for now. What’s next?”

Sonja held out an offwhite knitted jumper and Isak gave it a resentful scowl.

“White again,” he muttered, his distaste clear. “Also, it’s June, shouldn’t there be, oh, I don’t know, clothes fitting the season or something?”

“It’s not as warm as it looks, trust me.”

“Hm.” Isak didn’t seem convinced, but - with a cautious look at Mikael - he quickly exchanged the hoodie he was wearing for the knitted jumper. Which he grudgingly had to agree was a lot lighter than he’d expected. But still white.

Sonja started circling him again, this time looking less happy.

“Nah, maybe not,” she thought out loud. “The fit is great, but… the colour makes you look a bit washed out. Try this instead.” She handed Isak a dark blue jumper and he patiently changed into it. “Yeah, much better. Less likely that someone will try to bury you due to the deathly pale complexion the other jumper brought out.”

“We’ll take it,’ Even blurted out, eyes on the way the jumper clung to Isak’s waist and lower back.

“Yeah, I had a feeling,” Sonja mumbled, managing to keep her amused expression under control. Well, control _ish_ . “Now let’s try the shirt. Although I’m not sure about that, it’s… yeah...” Apparently her sales persona couldn’t _quite_ surrender to the truth, but her face revealed that she wasn’t a fan.

They all looked at the offensive garment.

“Why the zipper?” Isak asked, poking halfheartedly at it.

“No idea. And don’t get me started on the material, it’s… it’s the stuff tents are made of, basically.” Isak and Sonja exchanged pensive looks. “Okay, let’s just scrap the shirt. Trousers,” Sonja decided.

“Trousers,” Isak agreed. 

Sonja handed him the trousers she’d picked out and shoved him back in the direction of the fitting room.

“So. How’s it going? Have you told him you want his babies yet?” Elias asked the moment Isak was out of sight, and Even groaned.

“This cubicle is still not soundproof,” Isak pointed out from the fitting room and Even groaned again. “Also, what’s with all the babies? You do realise that it’s biologically impossible, right?”

Even glared at Elias, gesturing at him to fix the situation.

“Nah, impossible just takes a little longer. And practise makes perfect. So…”

Even put his hand over Elias’ mouth before he could continue _that_ train of thought.

“Right. I’ll take your advice into consideration,” Isak replied, sounding amused. “Also, these trousers are so _soft_ , oh my _god_!”

“Runway walk. Runway walk. Runway walk,” Mikael and Elias chanted with great enthusiasm.

”No.”

Isak’s adamant refusal was met with booing, not only from Mikael and Elias but also from Sonja, who seemed to really be getting into the makeover scheme.

“Walk it, boy! _Be_ the fashion,” she called encouragingly, finishing on a giggle.

Isak walked out of the cubicle and shot her an incredulous glare.

“ _‘Be_ the fashion?’ Really?” he repeated.

“Got you out of the cubicle, didn’t it?” she shrugged. “Now come over here and show off for the camera.”

“Bossy,” Isak muttered.

“You don’t say,” Mikael muttered back.

Sonja ignored them in favour of checking the fit by sticking two fingers down the waist of the trousers, making Isak squirm away with an involuntary giggle

”Tickles,” he complained from a safe distance.

”Fits well, though. _Damn_ , I’m good,” Sonja shrugged with a smug smile. ”So is it a yes to the trousers as well?” Isak nodded, and she continued, ”Good. Now, I was thinking tennis shi-”

”No. No. No, no, no. _No_. Not even the fear of Eskild’s wrath will make me wear one of those. No. Just… no.”

”You have very strong feelings about tennis shirts, don't you,” Sonja observed, looking amused.

”They are ugly, uncomfortable, ugly, itchy and ugly. Also, did I mention ugly?”

”So that’s a no to tennis shirts then?”

”Big no, yes.”

”Fine,” Sonja sighed. ”How about t-shirts, do they fit in with the ‘Isak theory of appropriate summer garments’?”

”Yes, t-shirts are fine.”

”Good. And you’re in luck, we’re having a three-for-two offer this week, so-” she gestured at a table with neatly stacked t-shirts, ”-just have at it.”

Even watched as Mikael detached the camera from the tripod and followed Isak over to the display.

“So. Isak, huh?”

“Mmm?” Even hummed absentmindedly in a non-reply to Sonja’s unspoken question.

“So. Isak,” she repeated, both of them watching as Elias joined Mikael and Isak at the table, wrapping his arms around Isak from behind and placing his chin on Isak’s shoulder. “He seems… nice?”

Even dragged his death glare away from Elias to redirect it at Sonja.

“He is. So please don’t be your usual self and scare the shit out of him.”

“Hm.” This time it was Sonja who wasn’t paying attention, preoccupied as she was with scowling at the playfight that had broken out between Mikael and Elias. “I’m just going to go…”

“Sonja!”

“Don’t worry, I won’t scare your boy,” she promised - before shooting Even a toothy grin, adding, “Much…”

“ _Sonja!!_ ” Even hissed furiously after her as she walked over to yell at Mikael and Elias. Not that he’d really expected her to take any notice, he’d definitely known her long enough to know better than that.

Yeah, this wasn’t going to end well. Not well at all.

*****

Isak was cowering by the door, trying to hide behind Elias and Mikael, while Even was paying for the clothes.

“Sonja is scary,” Even heard him mutter to Mikael.

“Oh, I _know_. Did she give you the ‘hurt him and I’ll make you regret it’ spiel?”

“Apparently no one will even be able to find the body,” Isak nodded. 

Mikael gave an impressed whistle, “Wow, you should feel honoured. Usually she only threatens people with bodily harm.”

“That… doesn’t really make me feel better.”

“And by the way, you’re out of asking-me-for-a-favour cards for at least a year,” Sonja called after Even as he walked towards the exit.

“Fine. And I’ll text you about next Sunday,” Even called back, giving a small wave as he left the store with the rest of the boys hot on his heels.

As soon as they were outside, Mikael turned to glare at him.

“For fuck’s sake, Even!”

“What?” Even asked, nonplussed.

“We’re not doing this again,” Mikael half yelled in frustration.

“We’re just going to get coffee to catch up.”

“Right. Like the last gazillion times. But it’s never just coffee and catching up with you two, is it? It might start out as coffee and catching up but it always ends up as Netflix and chill,” Mikael complained, waving wildly as he spoke.

“Well, it’s different this time,” Even sulked.

“Right. _Different_. Different how, exactly?”

Even and Mikael exchanged a whole conversation of glares and gestures before Mikael raised his eyebrows, “Really?”

Even nodded.

“Wow,” Mikael said, clearly surprised.

“What??” Elias asked, not fluent in whatever best friends language Even and Mikael had conversed.

“Believe it or not, but… Romeo over there is finally over his Juliet. O frabjous day!”

“Fuck off,” Even said without heat.

“Wait, what? Does this mean no more ‘woe is me, I will die alone, no one loves me, nevermind me and Sonja are back together’? Since when? No, scratch that, _how??”_

“Oh, I think Mercutio might have something to do with it.”

“Who’s Mercutio?” Elias asked, confused.

“I’ll fill you in on the character list later,” Mikael promised. “But first we have some more money to spend. Let’s start at Carlings, our boy needs some new jeans.”

Isak, who had obviously tried (and failed) to follow the conversation, whined at this.

“A plague on both your houses,” he grumbled gloomily - which for some reason made Mikael laugh and give a blushing Even a gleeful shove. 

_Fucking Shakespeare..._

*****

“Have you even let that phone out of your hand since yesterday?” Adam asked, groaning as he steered the shopping cart into another crate. “Wallah, this thing hates me.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Even replied haughtily as he finished off his latest observations-at-Ikea text to Isak. Because… well, Isak was sitting his last exam and could use a bit of observational humour to cheer him up afterwards. Even was just performing his civic duty, okay?

“So how is the romance progressing, man? I mean, I can’t say I noticed much progress yesterday.”

“It’s hard to be romantic with an audience of two commenting on your every move,” Even protested, the subject still a bit sore after Elias had somehow managed to convince Mikael that they should accompany Even and Isak to Tilt. “Thanks for tagging along by the way, arsehole. Really. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” Elias replied sunnily, ignoring the sarcasm. “Also, taking your boy to Tilt as a first date? I think that’s where the romance kinda tanked in the first place. What were you _thinking?”_

“Isak wanted beer. Tilt has a lot of beer. It seemed reasonable at the time,” Even mumbled, shuffling over to look at a sale bin filled with blankets.

“Yeah, and Tilt also has Ms Pac-Man - which you lost five times in a row. And I’m pretty sure Isak let you win that last game just to keep you from crying.”

“I only lost because he cheated,” Even argued.

“Cheated? How do you even cheat at Pac-Man?” Elias asked, equal parts curious and amused.

“He was being _distracting_.”

“He was just standing there talking to Mikael.”

“Yeah. As a distraction tactic,” Even insisted. 

“You’re ridiculous, you know that, right?”

Even shrugged, because… well, yes, he _did_ know that.

“Could we maybe focus on the shopping? Some of us have a life to get back to,” Adam interrupted.

“What you mean to say is that your mum wants her car back before dinner, right? Because we know you and you _definitely_ don’t have a life.”

Even grabbed a couple of soft looking blankets and placed them in the cart before following the signs towards the bedroom area, leaving Adam and Elias to bicker it out on their own.

The bed section proved to be a bit overwhelming to begin with, but once Even had decided against down duvets (because _birds_ ) and lyocell ones (wtf was a lyocell anyway?) all he had to decide on was warmth and price range. Which still left a surprisingly large selection, but at least now it was manageable. Starting somewhere in the mid of the tog scale - since that was where the fluffiness started, and who wanted a non fluffy duvet - Even went through the duvets with commendable single mindedness before being interrupted by Elias’ exasperated voice.

“ _There_ he is!”

“Hm?” Even looked up from where he was hugging a duvet, trying to decide if it was fluffier than the one he’d put aside as a ‘probably’.

“You can’t run off on your own like that, your father and I were very worried” Elias scolded him.

“We really should have just checked him in at the ball pit and picked him up again on our way out,” Adam chimed in with a stern head shake.

“True. Also, why did we decide to have children again?”

“If I remember correctly, you were too lazy to go out and buy condoms. And then, nine months later-”

“Please don’t finish that sentence,” Even interrupted with a pained expression. 

“Fine. Wouldn’t want to embarrass you in front of your new lover anyway,” Adam said, nodding at the duvet Even was still cuddling. 

Even released the duvet and took a step back, “Well, at least one of us remembers why we’re here,” he countered. “And that’s the front runner right now, by the way,” he continued, pointing at the duvet he preferred.

After a bit of touching, squeezing and checking of price tags, Adam did some advanced algebra and deemed that the duvet was within their budget. Elias filmed a cinematic sequence of it being dropped into the cart, and they moved on to the pillows.

“Wow. That… is a lot of pillows,” Elias commented, fascinated.

Adam and Even nodded in awed silence. 

“So. Where do we begin?”

“We’re skipping the down ones to begin with. And the memory foam ones are a bit out of our price range. Which leaves… quite a lot of them, really,” Even realised. “Okay, so… soft or firm?”

The question was met with blank stares from both Adam and Elias and Even had a rising suspicion he was on his own in this pillow nightmare. He gave the closest pillow a doubtful pat.

“We’re getting four pillows, right? So maybe two soft and two firm?” he suggested, starting to prod more intently at the pillows and quickly finding two that were described as ‘softish’ that seemed comfortable enough. He did the same with the firm ones before groaning when he realised that, “Apparently they come in ‘high’ and ‘low’ too?”

Elias started humming an eerie version of Hotel California while Adam elbowed his way to the crates, poked at a couple of firm pillows, and shoved them at Even.

“There. Two low firm pillows, two high soft ones. Can we _please_ go look for that topper now?”

“Rude,” Even muttered, but dropped the pillows into the cart without further complaints. 

Adam was almost by the mattress toppers by then, apparently having had enough of the whole Ikea experience.

“Okay, so we’re a bit over budget, but not too bad,” he said, consulting the list. “The 2700 crowns one is a big no-no, but either of the 2000 crowns ones can be squeezed in.”

“What’s the difference between them?” Elias asked.

“As far as I can tell, this one is a bit thicker and is made of memory foam, which sounds a bit creepy if you ask me. And the other one is pretty.”

All three of them eyed the two toppers in silence.

“Soo… the creepy one?” Elias ventured, looking at the other two.

Even simply pulled out his mobile and snapped a photo of the shelf number instead of answering.

“Anything else, or can we get out of here now?” Adam asked.

“How about curtains? Do we know what kind of curtain rods he has?” Even replied.

“I can ask Mutta to check, he’s over there now. You try to figure out where the curtains live in this maze and I’ll get Mutta to check for rods and measurements.”

Even decided not to ask what Mutta was doing at Isak’s flat, but ‘chatting up Eskild’ was probably a pretty accurate guess. 

“According to Mutta we need ‘curtains you shove the rod through, not those fiddly forklike things you use to hang them’. That boy really knows his way around curtains, doesn't he...? And they should be about 250 centimeter long,” Adam reported after a quick phone call.

“Right. Let’s go find some curtains you can shove a rod through, then.”

*****

“My back will never forgive you,” Even informed Adam frostily from where he was wedged up against the car door, a pineapple plant poking him in the face and two of the photo frames jabbing him in the back.

“‘It’s a Volvo’,” Elias muttered darkly, most of his glare hidden behind the rest of the plants they had bought.

“We managed to fit everything in and now we’re here, so stop complaining,” Adam shrugged, indifferent to the other two’s misery.

“Do _you_ want to kill him or should I,” Elias asked, and Even made an obliging ‘after you’ gesture. Or as much of one as someone shoved up against a car door could manage.

“Let’s just unload the stuff so I can return the car to mum before she reports it missing.”

“Fine, but someone’ll have to come around and let me out because I can’t reach the door handle from here,” Even complained.

“And it’s not going to be me since I’m buried under this fucking garden,” Elias grumbled.

“Yeah, yeah, I’ll just call Eskild and ask him to come help us unload, then I’ll let you two out.”

“You’re too kind…”

*****

The mood lightened once Elias and Even had been let out of the car, and they started unloading everything, blocking the pavement with the purchases.

“Wow, you boys _have_ been busy,” Eskild observed when he arrived with Linn and Mutta in tow. “Now, moi, I don’t really do menial work - but as you can see, I brought back up. Linn is a lot scrappier than she looks, and this boy here-” he put a hand on Mutta’s bicep and pretended to swoon, “has muscles _everywhere…_ ”

“Huh. Can’t remember ever seeing him use them, though. Anyone else?” Elias asked, looking at Adam and Even.

“Nope. Never.”

“Nuh-uh.”

“Okay, let’s get this over with instead of just standing around picking on Mutta,” Mutta grumbled, grabbing the mattress topper and a paper bag and marching off towards the flat.

“You owe me,” Linn informed Eskild in a monotone voice before walking off with two bags and a pillow.

Eskild looked around at the plethora of goods before deciding on the duvet and the rest of the pillows.

“I’m sure you big, strong hunks of men can manage the rest without the help of little ol’ me,” he declared, managing a little finger wave as he walked away.

They had just sorted the remaining stuff into manageable piles when Mutta and Linn returned, and they were somehow able to carry everything between them.

“Okay, I gotta go return the car. See you tomorrow,” Adam said after dumping his miscellaneous armful onto one of the sofas. 

His statement initiated a lot of hugs (and a high five from Linn), and it wasn’t until he’d left that Even noticed that…

“Why is all of Isak’s stuff out here?”

“Oh yeah. Come look at this,” Mutta said, eagerly dragging them towards Isak’s room. “You were right, Even, it’s the perfect colour for the room. The morning sun will hit it and the walls will practically glow with…”

“So you’ve been painting,” Even commented, effectively stopping the flow of words coming from Mutta.

“Well, Eskild _has_ checked with the owner and he says it’s fine,” Mutta pouted at Even’s lack of enthusiasm.

“Right. And did you check with Isak too, to see that he has somewhere to stay tonight while the fumes dissolve?”

“Um… yeah, not as such, no…?”

“What. The. Fuck??”

_Ah. Perfect timing._

“Hi, Isak. How did the exam go?” Even asked without turning around to look at him.

“Fine, I think,” Isak answered, sounding distracted. “But I would like to return to my question of _‘What. The. Everlasting. Fuck?’_ ”

“Yeah, sorry, Mutta’s started to paint your room. Which of course means that you won’t be able to sleep here tonight.”

“What?”

“Well, paint smells. Also, no bed.”

“Yeah, I got both those parts, thanks,” Isak grumbled. “Whose bright idea was this, then?”

“Well, Eskild said that…” Mutta began.

“Of course he did,” Isak interrupted, rolling his eyes. “Eskild!!”

“You hollered, My Lord,” Eskild said as he appeared in the doorway.

“My room is being painted, and apparently you had something to do with it?”

Eskild looked around, feigning surprise.

“Why, yes. Yes, it is. How exciting.”

“And where am I supposed to sleep tonight?”

“Oops... Well, I’d offer you to stay in my room, but I have plans tonight. _Big_ plans. As in his dick is…”

“Yeah, got that loud and clear, thanks.”

“Maybe Jonas can…”

“Nah, he and Eva have ‘ _plans_ ’ too. Guess I could check with Mahdi…”

“Or you could stay at my place?” Even’s mouth offered without first engaging his brain.

Both Isak and Eskild turned to him, Isak looking like he was about to protest while Eskild’s expression was filled with glee.

“See. It all works out, you’ll stay with Even tonight. It’s the perfect solution.”

“I’m sure I could sleep on the couch, it’s just one night after all,” Isak said doubtfully.

“Two,” Mutta chimed in, looking quite happy with the fact.

“Huh?”

“It’ll be two nights. I need to add another coat of paint tomorrow.”

Isak relaxed his shoulders and let his head fall back in resignation.

“You sure it isn’t a problem?” he asked Even, twisting his neck to look over at him.

Getting to keep Isak for two days? Definitely the opposite of a problem.

“Not a problem,” Even insisted. “It’s our video that’s making you homeless so it’s our responsibility to make sure you have somewhere to stay. All part of the Hei Briskeby service, you know.”

“Hm,” Eskild said, shooting him a disappointed look. “Anyway, make sure you bring Baby Gay to Eva’s at three o’clock _sharp_ tomorrow for his birthday treat.”

“Three o’clock sharp. Got it.”

“Now before I let you leave with my son-” Isak groaned at that but Eskild continued unperturbed, “-there are some rules you have to follow. First of all, keep him out of the light. Second, don’t give him water. But the most important rule, the one you can never forget _no matter how much he begs_ \- never feed him after midnight.”

“Bye, Eskild,” Isak snapped, stomping out of the room.

“Bye, my little gremlin,” Eskild singsonged after him.

“Yeah, I’ll just…” Even waved vaguely at the door and Mutta and Eskild nodded solemnly.

“Bye, Even. Have a nice night,” Mutta smirked. 

“And remember - no glove, no love,” Eskild continued, his expression innocent but his suggestive tone most definitely not. “And use lots of lube, Isak’s had quite the dry spell lately so I wouldn’t be surprised if his virginity’s grown back.”

Even’s eyes widened at this candid declaration.

“Yeah, that’s… we’re not actually going to… I don’t think that’s…”

Eskild brightened up. 

“Wait here, I’ll just…”

He hurried out of the room, leaving Mutta and Even to look at each other.

“So… Eskild…?”

“He’s… interesting,” Mutta conceded with a small shrug.

Yeah, interesting was probably the right word, Even decided - but before he could say anything else, Eskild came racing back with a small paper bag in his hand.

“Here. Goody bag,” he panted excitedly.

“Umm… thanks,” Even said, hesitant to accept whatever inappropriate things Eskild had decided they needed.

“No need to thank me now - but I assure you that you _will_ want to thank me later,” Eskild replied with an impudent wink. “Now go collect your toyboy and get out of here, you’re keeping me from watching Muscles over there finishing this paint job.”

Even took one look at Mutta, who apparently preferred painting with his shirt off, and decided that that was something he didn’t need to be a part of.

“Ready?” 

Isak’s voice came as a relief and Even turned towards the door with an eager nod. 

“Oh, _God_ , yes,” he said with conviction.

*****

“Hello...?”

“Kitchen!”

Even gave Isak a small, reassuring smile before walking through the flat towards the voice.

“Hi, mum.”

“Hi, sweetheart. How was filming, did you get to… hello, you’re new?”

Even’s mum gave Isak a curious look before turning back towards Even in search of an explanation.

“This is Isak and he’ll be staying here tonight,” Even said, eyes pleading with her not to argue. Or say anything incriminating.

An amused, “Is he now?” was all the response he got so he quickly continued, “Yeah, he can’t stay in his flat because Mutta-”

“Much as I know that any story beginning with ‘because Mutta’ will be worth my while, I was just about to start preparing dinner,” she interrupted. “Hello, Isak, I’m Sigrid, nice to finally meet you. Welcome to Hotel Bech Næsheim, I’ll let the bellboy over there show you to your room.”

“Bellboy? I should at least get to be a concierge,” Even complained, sticking his tongue out at his mother - who made a halfhearted attempt at catching it between her thumb and forefinger.

“I said what I said, okay? Now hop to it, bellboy.” 

She gave him a quick kiss on the cheek before turning back to the countertop to continue with whatever she’d been doing when they interrupted her. Dismissed, the boys shuffled back out into the living room.

“So. That was my mum,” Even said as if the clarification was necessary.

“Yeah, I figured.”

“She’s… mum,” he continued with a what-can-you-do shrug.

“It’s fine, she seems nice. Now, tell me what’s with the fucking bag?”

Even looked down at the small paper bag he’d refused to explain during the tram ride to his flat, “Oh, you don’t want to know.”

“I don’t?”

“Probably not, no. It’s a gift from Eskild,” Even said, guessing that that would stop any further investigation on Isak’s part.

“Ah. Right. Yeah, then I _really_ don’t want to know.”

Sigrid interrupted them by sticking her head through the doorway, “Oh, Isak, good. I forgot to ask - we’re having lasagna, is there anything you’re allergic to? Don’t eat? I could probably make a vegetarian one if you’d prefer,” she said, the last part somewhat doubtfully.

“Lasagna would be great, Mrs Bech Næsheim,” Isak assured her, almost painfully polite. “Or, I mean, I can get a kebab or something, I don’t want to impose…”

“First of all, I don’t know what my son has told you about me but I promise you that I am not particularly dangerous so you can stop looking so nervous. And of course you’re eating with us, we’re used to the full hord of that one’s friends, so one small-” she stopped and looked up at Isak, who was half a head taller than her, “-you know, nevermind. You’re eating with us, that’s final. And no more ‘Mrs Bech Næsheim’, especially not when the hubby comes home or I’ll never hear the end of it. I’m Sigrid, hubby is Jan, and the bellboy over there,” she looked over at Even, “should be busy getting fresh sheets for his sofa bed.”

“I was going to, but then someone wanted to discuss lasagna and here we are,” Even replied petulantly.

“Well, the lasagna discussion is over so just go fulfil your hosting duties. Dinner in forty minutes.”

She disappeared back into the kitchen, and Isak and Even smiled hesitantly at each other.

“So my room is over there,” Even made a vague gesture towards a door with a garish ‘Beware of the teenager’ sign. “I’ll just go get…”

Isak nodded and headed for Even’s room while Even went to retrieve sheets and a quilt.

“Nice sign,” Isak offered once Even had returned.

Even rolled his eyes.

“Dad thinks he’s funny,” he grumbled, picking up a couple of stray clothes and shoving them into the laundry basket. “It’s been there since I turned fifteen.”

“Terrible teen, hm?” Isak asked, tone teasing.

“I was a delight as always, thank you very much.”

Even sneaked a glance at Isak - who was aimlessly poking around the room, stopping on occasion to look at a DVD or read the blurb text on a book - before focusing on the task before him.

“So how long have you known them?”

“Hm?” Even looked up from where he was tucking in a sheet corner to find Isak pointing at a photo of the whole Briskeby crowd pinned on top of the rest of the chaotic mess of snapshots stuck to his noteboard. “Oh, forever, basically. Mikael’s the original BFF, we’ve been friends since kindergarten. As for the rest… well, we just added them as we went along.”

Isak fiddled with the corner of one of the snaps, “So Mikael is your Jonas, then.”

Even considered the little he knew of Isak’s and Jonas’ friendship.

“I guess?”

“Good,” Isak hummed, seemingly satisfied. “Everyone should have a Jonas. Jonases are the best.”

“Mmhm,” Even agreed - even though to his way of thinking, Isaks seemed infinitely better.

“And Sonja?” Isak asked, tapping at a photo of Sonja on Even’s shoulders, both smiling brightly at the camera.

“Sonja?”

“When did you add her?” 

“We’ve known each other since we were thirteen or so, she transferred to Bjølsen halfway through eight grade, and…” Even gave a half shrug, “well, we just kind of… adopted her?”

“So you’ve been together since eight grade?” Isak persisted.

“On and off, yeah.”

“But you aren’t together now?”

Even blinked, trying to work out where the plot had been lost.

“Have you heard a _word_ of what my friends have been saying? They’ve more or less put a bow around my dick and handed me over to you as a birthday gift.” Isak’s eyes flickered down to dick height for a few seconds as if to picture it. “Also, I’ve been trying to flirt with you for ages,” Even continued.

“You have?” 

Apparently this came as a surprise to Isak.

“I said _tried_ ,” Even muttered defensively.

Isak gave him an apologetic shrug. 

“Fine, but you do flirt with everyone, Even.”

“But with you I _mean_ it.”

They stared at each other for a couple of seconds before Isak began to giggle.

“So, what colour is the bow?”

“Huh?”

“What colour is the bow? Because in my mind it’s now red - any other colour would be a disappointment, really.”

“Are you really picturing my dick in a bow right now?” Even asked, looking torn between intrigued and scandalised.

“Well, in my defence it is a nice bow,” Isak argued, hiccuping on a giggle. “Red silk. Very sexy.”

“Sounds very Victoria’s Secret,” Even consented, smoothing down the bottom sheet and reaching for the top one.

“Mmhm. Maybe I should call Victoria and tell her one of her Angels is missing,” Isak purred, hamming it up as he took a couple of swaggering steps towards Even. “This is me flirting by the way,” he added for clarification, raising his face as if looking for a kiss.

“Is it? Good to know,” Even commented, his smirk growing as he reached out and pulled Isak into a full body hug - tight enough so he could nose inquisitively at Isak’s temple but loose enough so Isak could break away if he wanted.

“Mhm. Thought I’d show you how it’s done. For future reference, you know.” 

The smile in Isak’s voice was almost tangible and to Even’s relief he didn’t seem to have any plans on freeing himself anytime soon. Instead he snuggled closer and nudged at Even’s jaw with the tip of his nose, his breath coming out in short, steady puffs of heat against Even’s collarbone.

“Your effort is greatly appreciated,” Even replied, distracted, brain more occupied with sorting out the sensations of finally being allowed to touch and smell Isak than with forming sentences. 

“Well, I _am_ the master of flirting, you know.” Isak’s boast was halfhearted at best, his brain apparently not paying much attention to the conversation either.

“I’d like to kiss you now. Can I kiss you?” Even asked in earnest, the question almost ridiculously polite under the circumstances. 

Isak nodded in response, his droopy eyes following Even’s every movement. Even swallowed and licked his lips as if in anticipation before leaning in to brush a tentative kiss to Isak’s half opened mouth. Pulling back to examine Isak’s face for a reaction, he sighed with relief when Isak opened his eyes and gave him a beatific smile.

“Good kiss,” Isak commented, clearly trying for nonchalance but the slight quiver to his voice betrayed him. “Bit short, though.”

Even raised his eyebrows in a challenge before pressing his lips back against Isak’s, the tip of his tongue just barely out as if trying to catch the taste of Isak’s smile.

*****

Even was finally relaxing into their kisses, his right hand cupping Isak’s cheek, thumb slowly stroking Isak’s cheekbone, when there was a loud knock on the door.

“Five minutes to dinner, any garments that have come off needs to be put back on again.”

_Oh, for fuck’s sake…_

With a groan, Even let his forehead drop against Isak’s, “Remember what I said about dad thinking he’s funny?” He gestured towards the still closed door. “Yeah, so… meet dad.”

“Is it too late for me to go for that kebab?” Isak asked, only half joking.

“You’re not leaving me alone with my parents, so yes,” Even replied, definitely _not_ joking.

“Bugger.”

Even gave him a quick peck on the mouth before sighing and, with a firm grip on Isak’s hand, towing him towards the door.

“Let’s get this over with, I’m sure it will be fine.” No, he wasn’t. “And remember, they are more afraid of you than you are of them.”

“I don’t really think that saying is applicable to parents,” Isak muttered darkly.

“At least it’s better than the saying that _is._ ”

“Which would be?”

Even grinned and gave Isak another quick peck - just because he was allowed now - before dragging him out of his room, “‘Run for your life’,” he replied in his best (not very good) Doctor Who imitation.

“Helpful. Very,” Isak deadpanned.

“Meh.” Even tilted his head and raised one shoulder in an unconcerned half shrug.

“Hello, son. Hello, son’s new friend who I know absolutely nothing about,” Jan said, passing them on his way to the kitchen.

“Um. Hi?” Isak replied cautiously.

”So... Isak, was it? Don’t think I’ve ever heard that name before? _Isak_... Nope, no recollection of Even ever mentioning anyone with that name. Repeatedly.”

Even’s spluttered outrage made Isak giggle and lose some of the rigid tension in his spine, which was almost enough for Even to forgive his father. Almost.

*****

”Thank you for dinner, Sigrid, it was delicious,” Isak said, still on his best behaviour, as he carried his plate and cutlery over to the dishwasher. Eskild would have been proud.

“You sure you don’t want some more? There is still a lot left,” Sigrid offered, indicating the large lasagna pan on the table.

“Oh, God. Let’s get out of here before she brings out the wafer-thin mints too,” Even groaned with an exaggerated eye roll. 

Sigrid fake glared at her son, “Letting you watch Monty Python as a kid was the mistake that just keeps giving, wasn’t it?”

“I love you?” Even offered, fluttering his eyelashes at her before widening his eyes into the type of forlorn puppy dog eyes that would make any Disneyesque woodland creature jealous.

“Nice try, traitor.”

“But... I’m cute...?” The puppy dog look stayed and Even added a winsome head tilt to it as well - but not even that was enough to sway his mother.

“Not _that_ cute,” she sniffed haughtily.

“You sure you don’t want some more lasagna, this might take a while,” Jan commented, giving Isak an amused look.

“No, I think I’ll just go and... I mean, I have to, um…” Isak guessed unpack wasn’t the right word since he’d only brought his laptop and a change of clothes, but... “unpack?”

“I’ll come help you,” Even said, immediately abandoning his lighthearted bickering with his mum.

“Before you go, Even…”

Isak paused and gave Sigrid a worried look but she waved him away with a warm smile, reassuring him that she just wanted to get a snack for Even to bring back to the room. Isak nodded and walked out of the kitchen and Even looked after him, having a bad feeling about the whole situation. Not necessarily about the snack - who had bad feelings about snacks, really - but he had a strong feeling that snacks weren't all that was on the table.

“So. About Isak…”

Even closed his eyes. _Oh, God…_

*****

“No snack?”

Even groaned and threw himself face down on the made up sofa bed.

“I didn’t stay long enough to find out. Also, I am never having sex again,” he whined into the pillow. “And I intend to get my brain bleached at the soonest possible time.”

“Interesting talk?” Isak asked, delighted at not being the most over dramatic person in the room for once.

Even rolled over onto his side so he could glare at Isak.

“Same rules apply to you as to Sonja, apparently. Mum says she knows that I’m ‘sexually active’ even if she prefers not to think about it, which... yeah, I prefer not to think about her knowing about that either, thanks.” Even shuddered, his pained expression that of someone who’d been through the nine circles of hell and escaped by the skin of his teeth. “Anyway, the house rules are ‘consensual, cautious and quiet’. And I never want to hear mum say the words ‘anal tearing’ ever again.”

Isak dropped his face into his hands.

“Oh god, I will never be able to look your mum in the eyes again, will I,” he moaned.

“Yeah, I wouldn’t worry too much about that, mum is a true child of the 70s after all. I _would_ prepare for a safe sex talk, though. I apologise in advance.”

“That’s it, I’m never leaving this room.”

“Good plan,” Even agreed, reaching for Isak to pull him down beside him on the sofa bed. “Just know that there will be no wild monkey sex for the first fifteen years or so, only kisses and cuddles. I'm deeply traumatised, after all.”

Isak wriggled into a more comfortable position, head securely propped onto Even’s chest and apparently not too bothered about the upcoming fifteen years of dry spell.

“Why the impromptu sex education by the way?”

Even shrugged, looking too innocent to be believable. Isak bent his head further backwards so he could look up into Even’s eyes.

“Okay, so… I might have mentioned you to my parents a couple of times?”

“Right. A couple of times…”

“Nevermind, this subject is now closed,” Even decided, faking annoyance.

“Mmhm.” Isak was quiet for a few seconds. “So that’s why your mum said it was nice to _finally_ meet me, huh?”

“Not. Talking. About. It.”

“Fine.” There was silence for a few seconds, Isak peacefully playing with the drawstrings on Even’s hoodie. “Did you know that the scientific study of kissing is called philematology?”

“Hm?” Even was still thinking about the uncomfortable talk he and his mum had had in the kitchen and had to mentally rewind Isak’s last sentence. “Did you say _scientific_ study?”

“Mmhm. During an average kiss you exchange about 10 milliliter of saliva, containing up to a billion bacteria.”

“Eww! Gross!!”

“You also burn around 6 calories a minute and it lowers your cholesterol level. And according to Oxford University, saliva helps your body to determine if the other person will produce strong offspring.”

Even hummed, drawing featherlight figures of eights on Isak’s shoulder, “And will I produce strong offspring?”

“Not enough data,” Isak pointed out. “Needs more research.”

“Well, as long as it’s for science,” Even accepted, twisting around so he could kiss Isak without risking a crick in his neck.

The kisses were slow, relaxed, both boys happy to taste and explore with no agenda to take anything further. Hands ended up under hoodies, the unhurried skimming over soft skin resulting in giggles and complaints about tickles.

“You do realise our friends are going to be unbearable about this, right?” Isak mused, nudging at Even’s nose with his own.

“Mikael will expect an unheard of amount of gratitude, I know that much at least,” Even agreed with a sigh, returning the nose nudge.

“Yeah, I’m sure Jonas expects me to pay for his beer for the upcoming ten years as a thank you.” 

Isak sounded glum at the thought.

“Not sure they really deserve any thanks, though,” Even pouted, still not over being dangled in front of Isak like a tall, blond carrot. 

“Well, to be fair, they’re the reason I can do _this_ now,” Isak shrugged, leaning up for another lazy kiss ending in a smile.

“So… you’re saying my kisses are worth ten years of beer supply?” Even asked, sounding extremely pleased with that conclusion.

Isak pursed his lips, pretending to think carefully, “Meh. Jonas is easy, he’ll probably settle for a two month supply. And with some practise your kisses _might_ be worth that.”

“What??” Even pushed Isak’s head away with a palm to Isak’s cheek. “Are you disrespecting my kisses? _In my own home?_ Way to break my heart, Isak.”

“Sorry, but… sometimes the truth needs out, you know.” Isak rolled over so he was laying on Even’s chest, looking up at him with a soft smile, “But I’ll be here practising with you every step of the way, so there’s that.”

“That’s so kind. You’re so kind,” Even said, reaching up and brushing away a curl of hair from Isak’s forehead, his fingers trailing Isak’s cheek down to his jaw.

“So. More practise?” Isak asked, tilting his head so Even could slide his hand around Isak’s neck.

Even nodded.

“More practise,” he agreed, pulling Isak down into another deep, unhurried kiss.

*****

“Iiiiiisak!! _Surprise!_ ”

Eva wrapped her arms around Isak in an enthusiastic hug and Even quickly removed the plastic cup from her hand before she could manage to pour the rest of her drink onto either Isak or herself. Or possibly take an eye out with the bright pink parasol poking out of it.

“We wanted you to have a spa birthday, but… turns out that stuff is expensive - who knew?!” Eva told them, stumbling over the words in her effort to quickly explain the situation. “So we thought we’d do it a little bit differently, which... Welcome to the Eva Kviig Mohn Home Spa, with your host, Eskild Tryggvason.”

Ah. So that explained why everyone was wearing bathrobes, then. Even _had_ been wondering...

“Baby Gay! You’re here! Now the party can _really_ begin!” Hurricane Eskild yelled as he threw himself at Isak for an excited hug. 

By the state of both Eva and Eskild - and their drinks - Even was pretty sure the party had been going on for quite some time, but he decided to keep that thought to himself. 

“Now, you two need bathrobes too!” Eskild cried, clapping his hands like an adult sized three year old on a sugar high - and as if by magic, Mutta appeared by their side handing them a robe each, a new, white and fluffy one for Isak, and for Even...

“How the fuck…?” he groaned, accepting the outgrown Hufflepuff robe he hadn't used (or even seen) since ninth grade.

“Oh, your dad has been very helpful, you know. _Very_ helpful,” Mikael replied, his smile worryingly toothy as he kept the camera firmly fixed on Even.

Even winced, wondering what other embarrassments could possibly await him during the day. He and his father were definitely going to have words on the appropriate way to handle Mikael’s unwarranted requests the minute he got home.

“Drink?” Jonas offered sympathetically, coming up behind Even and handing him a plastic cup filled with something bright and alarmingly flamecoloured.

Even gave the drink a suspicious sniff before taking a small sip. 

“Jeez, who dropped a whole fucking bottle of vodka into this glass?” he spluttered, his stomach recreating an impressively faithful simulation of an erupting volcano once the alcohol hit his gastric acid.

“Chris doesn’t fuck around when it comes to drinks, does she” Jonas winked, handing a similarly fruit filled glass to Isak - who eyed it with horrified distaste.

“No beer, then,” he said glumly.

“Don’t complain, at least there’s alcohol. The original plan was just juice and water, because _detoxing_ ,” Jonas replied, rolling his eyes. “Be grateful that I was there to put a stop to _that_ idea.”

Even gave his drink an unimpressed look, muttering, “That thing could only improve with no alcohol.”

“I don’t see either of you wearing your bathrobes yet,” Eskild interrupted, putting an arm around each of Isak’s and Even’s shoulders. “You can change in Anne Marit’s room, Isak knows the way. Now, get those delicious little bums moving.”

“Fine, we’re going,” Isak grumbled, putting his still untouched drink down on a tray table, a move Even was more than happy to copy. 

Following Isak into what seemed to be the master bedroom, he offered a faint, “So, this was… unexpected?”

“Whoever left Eva and Eskild in charge of today should be facing the ICC for crimes against humanity,” Isak muttered, glaring at the closed door.

“Well, they _do_ seem to have pulled out all the stops,” Even snorted, watching shamelessly as Isak shed his clothes.

“They would,” Isak huffed and looked up at Even, who was still very much dressed, holding his robe in a loose grip. “You need help with that?”

The corner of Even’s mouth turned upwards, “Are you offering to _undress_ me, Isak?”

“If we’re being accurate I think I offered to dress you, actually. You know how I can’t wait to see you in your house colours, baby...”

“Huff pride,” Even commented, absentminded, as he pulled off his t-shirt - before freezing, arms still up, “Did you just call me baby?”

“Umm… no…?”

“Oh, but you _did_ ,” Even insisted as he dropped the shirt and walked over to Isak to give him a quick open-mouthed kiss. “Am I your baby, Isak? Do you want to take care of me and love me and feed me chocolate and tell me I am pretty?”

Isak was saved from answering by Eskild shouting, “What’s taking you so long in there - as if I couldn’t guess,” through the door, and he and Even exchanged resigned looks.

“I’ll feed you chocolate and tell you you’re pretty tonight,” Isak promised, returning the quick kiss before exiting the room, leaving Even to reluctantly change into his robe. And to daydream of chocolate and Isak - not necessarily in that order.

*****

“I _would_ have preferred a bit more of a professional environment,” Karim complained, giving the upstairs bathroom a disdainful look before unwrapping his tool roll and sorting through the scissors. “But the boss doesn’t like us taking on private clients, especially not those who won’t pay. So here we are.” Even guessed that the office chair, wrapped up in plastic to protect it from discarded hair, wasn’t up to Karim’s usual standard - but with Mikael’s mum’s bastilla on the line he seemed prepared to slum it. “So. What are we looking at today? Just a bit of a trim, or are we going full buzz cut?”

“Chop. It. Off! Chop. It. Off!” Jonas, Magnus and Mahdi chanted enthusiastically from their front row seats in the bathtub.

Even, who had temporarily taken over filming from Mikael, sent them death glares, but they were much too engaged in their hollering to notice - so with Isak looking on the brink to give in to the pressure, Even did the only thing he could think of to save those precious locks. Leaning over to put his glass on the sink, he glanced over at both Karim and the boy squad before swallowing nervously and leaning even closer, making sure his breath hit Isak’s ear with every syllable as he forced his voice into its deepest registry, rumbling, “Have I told you about my fantasy of burying my hands in those soft curls of yours while you’re on your knees in front of me, your mouth taking my dick most beautifully?” 

He summoned all his confidence into the smirk he shot the mirrored reflection of a wide eyed Isak before straightening up and returning to fiddle with the camera.

“Um, yeah, I think just a trim,” Isak finally managed in a strangled voice, his eyes still firmly glued to Even.

Karim shrugged and chose a comb and a scissor from the tool roll.

“‘Just a trim’ coming up,” he confirmed to the loud disappointment of the boy squad.

Even’s only reaction was a smug grin as he raised the camera to get a cinematic slow motion shot of falling strands of hair, because… Holy _fuck_ , he couldn’t believe that he’d had the nerve to do that. Or that it had actually worked.

*****

“Comfortable?” Even asked, snapping a couple of photos of Isak sprawled out in a sun lounger, face mask - complete with cucumber slices covering his eyes - in place, and Eva and Vilde on each side of him, manicuring his nails.

Isak’s mouth turned up in a contented grin. 

“I’ve had worse days, yeah,” he drawled, dragging his hand out of Eva’s grip to fumble for his juice glass. 

Eva sighed and smacked his hand away before reaching for the glass herself and placing the straw in his mouth.

“Jeez, you’re the most demanding eighteen year old I know,” she complained, resuming the nail filing.

“Takes one to know one,” Isak shrugged, receiving another smack in retaliation.

“Well, when you’re finished with him, he’s needed in the kitchen,” Even said.

“Kitchen? Isak? Is that really wise…?” Eva asked with a small snigger, reaching out a fist for Vilde to bump.

“Hey, I am the _master_ of cooking,” Isak sulked.

“Burnt pasta isn’t cooking, Isak,” Vilde said, patting his arm with tolerant affection.

“It wasn’t burnt, it was more, like… singed? Smoked pasta, you know. Which is probably considered a delicacy somewhere. Also, it was edible. Which means it was cooked. _You_ just don’t appreciate high end cuisine,” Isak retorted in fierce defense of his cooking skills.

“Are you sure you know what you’re doing?” Eva asked Even, finishing off her part of the manicure with a flourish.

“Well, we’re making pizza, how much damage can he do?”

Eva and Vilde looked at each other and then back at Even.

“Oh, you sweet, innocent summer child,” Eva said, her voice warm with good-natured teasing.

“Don’t allow him near the stove or any sharp objects and you’ll be fine. Probably,” Vilde added, sounding doubtful.

“Nothing but lies and slander,” Isak complained, the face mask hindering his frown from reaching its full potential.

“There, he’s all yours. Take him away and clean him up,” Vilde said, finishing the last nail.

Isak muttered something about evil harpies under his breath but obediently followed Even to the ‘good’ bathroom for clean up and kisses - the last part a spontaneous addition to the itinerary by Even, but Isak had no objections.

*****

“The idea was that _you_ should learn how to make pizza, you know,” Even pointed out patiently. “ _I_ already know how to do it.”

“I’m helping,” Isak replied haughtily from where he was sat at the countertop, stealing a mushroom slice and chewing it as obnoxiously as he could.

“Helping how, exactly?”

“Um…” Isak looked around. “I’m decluttering your workspace?” he suggested, shoving another mushroom slice into his mouth.

“Very helpful,” Even agreed, walking over to stand between his legs with Isak the perfect height to kiss. “Blech. I hate mushrooms.”

“Why are you making mushroom pizza if you don’t like mushrooms?”

“Because some people don’t have taste buds and are happy to stuff themselves full of the disgusting little things,” Even said, wrinkling his nose for extra emphasis on his contempt for those kinds of people.

Isak took a sip from his drink, all but gargling the pineapple juice, before pulling Even in via his belt loops to kiss him again.

“Better?”

Even looked thoughtful, smacking his lips as if savouring the taste.

“Not sure, I think I might need another taste,” he murmured, face just millimetres from Isak’s.

“Oh, for fuck’s sake.”

Even sighed and kissed the tip of Isak’s nose before turning around.

“What?” he asked, glaring at Mikael.

“I expected to come in here to film a cooking lesson, not the norwegian remake of Debbie Does Dallas. You,” he pointed at Even, “can continue with the pizza making, you’ve already changed back into your regular clothes so you’re fine - but _you_ ,” he turned to point at Isak, “have _got_ to change out of that robe because I just saw way too much of your anatomy and I do _not_ want a repeat performance, thanks.”

Isak quickly jumped off the countertop and scurried out of the kitchen, leaving a somewhat awkward silence behind.

“What?” Even repeated, slightly less aggressive.

“Oh, nothing. Nothing,” Mikael said, trying for an innocent expression. “Just… you’re a very lucky guy as far as I could tell.”

“Fuck off,” Even muttered, suddenly very engrossed in preparing some bell peppers.

“No, but… really. I’ve been talking with his friends, and… sounds like he’s a good guy. Not to be talked to before ten in the morning and not too keen on household chores, but… you could do a lot worse.”

“Aww, have you been background checking Isak for me? That’s so sweet. In a very creepy way.”

“Well, we needed to check him out, man. It’s not that we don’t trust Sana’s judgement, but… he needed the squad approval as well, you know. You’re our best bro, man. Only the best for our best bro.”

“And what is the squad’s decision,” Even asked, more nervous about the answer than he was prepared to own up to. Of course his boys didn’t have to like Isak quite as much as Even did, because… well, _that_ would be a problem - but it was still very important that they did like him.

“We’re in talks with his squad to trade you for him,” Mikael replied, trying to look serious. “No, but… truthfully? I think you’ll be good together. Nauseatingly cute, but good.” Mikael’s expression changed from fake seriousness to the genuine thing. “You know I actually like Sonja, right? Sonja is great. But you two were never right for each other. She takes too much responsibility for everything, and you…” Mikael gave Even a meaningful look, and Even nodded in reluctant agreement.

“Yeah, I know. Mr Responsibility I am not.”

“She treated you like a child because that was how you behaved. You treated her like a parent because that was how she behaved. Can you spell disfunctional…?”

Even snorted.

“So what you’re telling me is that Isak won’t be my father? Because, I mean… I don’t know if I have a daddy kink, but… it’s worth looking into?”

“I absolutely hate and detest you,” Mikael stated, his tone conversational.

“What’s he done this time?” Elias asked, entering the kitchen ahead of the rest of the Briskeby squad.

“He’s planning on discovering his latent daddy kink,” Mikael said with an eye roll.

“Okay, could be fun. Where’s Isak by the way?”

“Changing back into his clothes because Mikael was ogling his dick,” Even informed him.

“No, that is _not_ what happened. What happened was that poor traumatised Mikael entered the kitchen expecting to see two people making pizza. What he _did_ see was the beginning of Isak’s and Even’s Sex Tape, volume one.”

“Who’s making a sex tape? And why has the party relocated to the kitchen?” Magnus asked, heading straight for the fridge in search of the watermelon water living there.

“We are _not_ making a sex tape,” Even replied indignantly.

“Why not? Pretty sure you could make some money that way, lots of people would pay to see you two fuck,” Magnus said casually, looking like that was a perfectly normal topic of conversation.

“Yeah, Even, why not? We brought the good camera and everything,” Adam teased him.

“Why not what?” Isak asked as he stopped just inside the door, eyeing the small crowd suspiciously.

“Apparently Magnus and Adam are busy planning our careers in gay porn,” Even muttered with a dark glare at Adam.

Isak turned toward the doorway, “Jonas! Come get Magnus, he’s being very Magnus again.”

It wasn’t Jonas but Mahdi who answered the call for reinforcement.

“Sorry, he got away when I talked to Eskild about moisturisers, won’t happen again.”

“You guys _suck_. From now on, Adam is my best friend,” Magnus whined, putting an arm around Adam’s shoulder and pulling him in for a side hug.

“Apparently he’s yours now. My condolences,” Isak said, shaking Adam’s hand with an air of deepest sympathy.

“Hey, shouldn’t you be setting pizzas on fire by now?” Magnus retaliated, sticking his lower lip out in a sad pout. “I’m a growing boy, I need food.”

Even looked up from where he was stretching out the pizza dough on an oven tray.

“There will be nothing burning in this kitchen tonight, okay?”

“Mmm, I don’t know. Magnus gets burned quite often,” Mahdi commented thoughtfully.

“The fuck - you too, Mahdi?” Magnus spluttered, shooting Mahdi a look of utter betrayal. “That’s it, I’m going back to the living room where the _nice_ people are.”

“Okay, then tell the nice people that the pizzas will be ready in thirty minutes, give or take,” Even called after him, receiving a wave that the information had been registered and would be forwarded. 

“Um… Even…?”

“Yes, there will be enough pizza left for five growing boys and one growing girl to have their own snack once the sun has set,” Even answered the unspoken question, grinning at Adam’s relieved expression.

“We still need some footage of Isak making pizza, so if the Help wouldn't mind stepping away from the tray for a moment maybe the Culinary Disaster could try to add some toppings in a photogenic way?” Even took a step back, leaving just enough room for Isak to squeeze in front of him, and Mikael turned the camera around to film himself rolling his eyes. “Fine. Isak’s and Even’s Sex Tape, volume one, take one, let’s go.”

*****

“We do have another birthday surprise for you, Isak,” Elias said, shooing everyone into the two sofas and miscellaneous chairs the Briskeby squad had placed in front of the big screen tv in the living room. Well, the Briskeby squad minus Even, who was looking just as confused as Isak. He shot Mikael a suspicious look but relaxed at the reassuring wink he received. Whatever was going on didn’t seem to be too awful.

Elias was checking his watch, mouthing a countdown to himself before hitting play.

“Happy Birthday, Isak!” Eva and Jonas chorused from the tv screen. “Eighteen years, huh? Legally able to buy your own beer? Eskild must be overjoyed,” Eva continued and there was a small cheer coming from the part of the room where Eskild was sitting. “Anyway, who would have thought that that small, annoying know-it-all I’ve known since he was thirteen would grow up into such a _tall_ , annoying know-it-all? And that I’d still put up with him after all these years? You’re lucky to have such a nice friend as me, my little japanese side dish,” she concluded, smirking at the camera.

“I can’t believe we’ve been best friends for eleven years, Jonas chimed in. “Giving vaccine shots in alphabetical order was the best thing school ever did for us. There is no stronger bonding than that over a mutual hate for needles, blood brothers from the start! Straight outta Grefsen, man. We’re, like, the original gangstas. I mean, gang related fights. Running away from the po-po. We didn’t choose the thug life, the thug life chose us, bro!”

Screen Eva turned around and gave screen Jonas an incredulous look.

“‘Running away from the po-po?’ Quite the high speed chase with you and Isak on your bike, right? And I was there, remember? That fight ended before either of you could get a punch in. ‘Thug light’, maybe,” she sniffed.

“Okay, fine, ‘thug light’. But you still love my pacifist arse, admit it,” Jonas replied, temporarily forgetting both the camera and the reason for it.

Eva gave his cheek a quick peck, “I’d swap your pacifist arse for Will Smith’s any day, baby.”

There was a certain amused flavour to the pointed cough from whoever was filming - Even was pretty sure it was Elias - and Jonas straightened up and focused back on the camera.

“Right. Yeah. So… Isak... you’ve got me into more trouble than anyone else I know - but you’ve also always been right there to get me back out of it again. You’re a grumpy little shit at the best of times but I wouldn’t have it any other way. I don’t say it often enough, but I wouldn’t be me without you. I love you, bro. Happy Birthday!”

Both screen Jonas and screen Eva raised their glasses in a toast before the video cut to the next clip. 

“Isaaaaak! Birthday Boy!!” 

Apparently screen Magnus was just as loud and enthusiastic as his real life self.

“Happy Birthday, Isak!” Mahdi added, somewhat more restrained.

“So. During the summer between year one and two at Nissen, me and Mahdi started to hang out with this chill skater dude called Jonas - but what we didn’t know was that Jonas and Isak are like this ‘buy one, get one free’ deal. So we didn’t just get a cool skater dude friend, we got a grumpy little ogre as well.”

“Yeah, and we would definitely not be hanging out with that snarky little grump if we didn’t love Jonas so much,” Mahdi agreed, treating the camera to a bright grin.

“Yeah, _Jooooonas!_ Our main man!!”

“Heeey!” Isak, who had managed to keep quiet until then, finally objected.

“The truth hurts, doesn’t it?” real life Magnus commented from far enough away to feel safe from retaliation.

“Fuck you,” Isak grumbled as screen Magnus continued to roast him. Even reached out and scratched Isak’s thigh with his thumbnail in silent support and received a quick smile before Isak turned back to the tv where Magnus and Mahdi had been replaced by Vilde and Chris.

“I was, like, really scared, because… well, new school and I just wanted to fit in, you know? But in reality I wanted to kiss girls, not boys, which… well, I just didn’t think being gay was an option, so I kinda tried not to be? And then Isak came out last year, and I started asking him a lot of questions about that, and… well, I think he hated me a little, but he really helped me a lot with, you know, _getting it?_ ” Vilde rambled, talking a mile a minute. “I mean, without him I’d probably still be trying to kiss boys, which… ugh! So… I kinda love him in a very ‘pro homo’ way?”

Screen Chris put her arm around screen Vilde’s shoulders and rubbed her arm for comfort.

“Well, I still love him in a very ‘no homo’ way so…” she turned to the camera and gave it a suggestive wink, “If you ever get tired of cock you know where to find me, babes. Happy Birthday!”

“I was dragged into this friendship kicking and screaming,” came Sana’s brisk voice as the video cut to yet another clip. “But it turned out that Escobar isn’t quite as useless as he looks, he might even deserve that five in biology. All down to my help, of course.”

“Hey! It’s a six and you know it,” Isak protested, more upset by Sana’s attack on his grades than Magnus’ roast of his persona.

Screen Sana didn’t react at the outburst and real life Sana only smirked at him.

“So after almost a year of me being held captive against my will, I guess our friendship is more based on Stockholm Syndrome than anything else,” screen Sana continued before looking straight into the camera, her dimples on full display. “Love you, best bud. Happy Birthday!”

“Happy Birthday, Isak! I hear my old room is getting an overhaul, looking forward to see the result. Make sure to keep Eskild away from the decorating unless you want to end up with a pattern of dicks all over the walls,” was Noora’s short but advice-filled greeting.

“Do I have to?”

“Yes,” came Eskild’s voice from out of shot and on screen Linn huffed out a “Fine,” before glaring at the camera. “I hated the fact that Noora left us to move to London, so I was going to hate Isak when he moved in because it felt like he had taken part of my family away from me. Which was stupid, but… that was how I felt at that moment, okay? But then this skinny kid, who was just a little ball of self-defensive grumpiness, arrived, and it would have been like hating on Bambi or something. And he was great to just sit with when the world felt a bit too big, he would talk about parallel universes and what the other us-es were doing there, and… that kinda helped, you know? So now my family’s grown to include him as well, and even if I miss Noora sometimes, I wouldn’t want to replace Isak with her. Maybe we could move to a bigger flat? That would be awesome. Anyway, Happy Birthday, Isak!”

There was a collective ‘awwww’ from the people watching, and Isak stood up and leaned over to give the embarrassed Linn a tight hug while a new clip started playing.

“As most of you know, I met Baby Jesus about a year ago. He was drunk, he was angry, and he was so far in the closet his best friend was Mr Tumnus. And I mean that literally, have you _seen_ Jonas? Stick some horns and goat legs on him and that’s a faun right there, I’m telling you. Anyway, I took the little stray home and cleaned him up, and, as Linn so adequately put it, he became part of our strange little family. Now as you can see, he’s still a work in progress - would it kill you to wear something more colourful than white, grey or black, my little gremlin? You would look so pretty in pink,” Eskild said, turning to the camera, “but he has left the closet far behind and is now my adorable little Baby Gay. And on a good day he’ll even smile and say thank you. So what I really want to say is, Happy Birthday, Isak. I’m very proud of you.”

“‘m not adorable’,” Isak grumbled into Eskild’s neck as he wrapped him up in a tight hug as well.

“Au contraire,” Eskild disagreed, voice muffled from either Isak’s hair or his own emotions, probably not even Eskild himself knew which. “You’re my very adorable, grumpy little kitten who I love despite your annoying tendencies to scratch at me and leave hairballs all over the flat.”

“Um… Hello?” Isak spun around and watched the screen with wide eyes. “So if the nice boy behind the camera has calculated this correctly, the time is now 21.21, and I want to wish you a Happy Birthday, my son. I have loved you from that first time I saw you exactly eighteen years ago, and nothing will ever change my love for you. Ever. Remember that, Isak. Your mum loves you very much.”

The camera rested on Marianne’s tender expression for a few seconds extra before the video faded to black, and there was a small snuffle coming from Isak as he sat back down and wiped at his eyes with his hoodie sleeve.

The clock showed 21:22 and the birthday party would continue for several hours - but there was no doubt that _that_ was where the party peaked.

*****

“Hey, watch it!”

“Shiiiiiit!”

“For fuck’s sake, Mikael!”

“We’re okay! Everything’s okay!”

The last part was yelled for the sake of the two people in the kitchen.

“So… nervous about the room yet?” Even asked, shoulder resting comfortably against the refrigerator, camera trained on Isak, who was busy filling a kettle with fresh water.

“Well, I wasn’t until now,” Isak muttered, trying to pretend that the loud commotion they’d just heard had never happened.

“Um…”

They turned to look at Adam, who was standing in the doorway looking sheepish.

“Yes?”

“Do you have a first aid kit? Or maybe just a couple of plasters?”

“What the fuck? _Why?_ ” Isak asked warily, crossing his arms and leaning his left hip against the sink.

“Umm. So, we’re basically finished with the decorating, right? But… well, we scrubbed the floor with soft soap earlier, and the floor might still be a bit slippery - so maybe watch out for that, by the way - and… well, we were having a bit of a sliding competition, and… I guess Mikael kinda both won and lost?”

Isak stared at him for a few seconds before shaking his head as if to erase everything he’d just heard.

“Bathroom cabinet,” he informed Adam curtly, turning back towards the kettle with an air of glum resignation.

“Also, we thought we’d film the big reveal as soon as you’re finished with the tea,” Adam informed them, brightening at that. “And after we’ve fixed up Mikael, obviously,” he continued as an afterthought.

“Gee, thanks for remembering,” Mikael drawled, throwing a blood stained tissue at Adam as he passed him on his way into the kitchen. “Now, if you could maybe get me one of those plasters you said you went looking for?”

“You okay there?” Even asked, abandoning the filming to give Mikael’s face a worried once-over while Adam went in search of the bathroom.

“Yeah, I’m fine. Well, fine-ish... But at least I can now personally attest to the solidity of the ugly desk, it’s definitely well constructed and made with some seriously massive planks. Great for studying, less great for colliding with. Zero out of ten, would not recommend.”

“Still. Very important research,” Isak approved with a grave nod, handing Even a wet kitchen towel to wipe away the small amount of blood trickling down Mikael’s cheek.

“Well, I _am_ a firm believer in hands-on science,” Mikael agreed. “Now, _about those fucking plasters..._ ”

“Needy, aren’t you?” Adam commented as he returned to the kitchen and threw a box of plasters to Even, who carefully applied one to Mikael’s cheek.

“I can ask Eskild to get you a couple of the good painkillers as well? I know he’s got a stash somewhere around the flat but he won’t tell us where,” Isak offered.

“Can’t. Ramadan. But if you have a bag of frozen veggies or something?”

“Um. Yeah, that’s… maybe there’s something left since Noora moved out…?” Isak hazarded with a doubtful look at the freezer.

“This is not a very vegetable friendly environment,” Eskild said from the doorway, wincing in sympathy when he saw the state of Mikael’s cheek. “Oh, babycakes, what _have_ these mean boys done to that pretty face of yours? Nevermind, I think Linn has some ice cream. Or… no, I know! Isak, go get a towel. One of the pink ones if you can find them.”

Isak left the kitchen without a word and Eskild headed over to the freezer, keeping up a muttered commentary as he rummaged through the drawers.

“Yes! Knew they’d be in here somewhere!” he announced triumphantly, holding up a large box of ice cubes. Well, reusable ice cubes. Bright pink, flamingo shaped, reusable ice cubes. Even wondered why he was even surprised at that. “Where’s that towel, Isak?”

Eskild spluttered as he was hit in the face with a balled up piece of pink terrycloth.

“Jeez, Eskild, chill. I thought you guru types were supposed to be into meditation and de-stressing,” Isak complained.

“I have a very pretty boy bleeding out in my kitchen, it is a very stressful situation,” Eskild pouted as he dumped the flamingos into the colour coordinated towel and handed it to Mikael, who took it and pressed it against his injured cheek.

“I don’t think you need to worry about Mikael’s demise just yet,” Even comforted him with an amused smile. Between Isak and Eskild, it was apparently a toss up who would wear the drama queen crown on any given day.

“So Mikael’s still alive then,” Mutta noted, coming up behind Eskild and putting his head on Eskild’s shoulder. “Better luck next time, I guess. Anyway, we’re ready for our close-up now, Mr DeMille.”

“Okay, Norma, we’ll be there in a couple of minutes.”

Mutta nodded and gave Eskild a kiss on the cheek before returning to Isak’s room. 

“So. That’s going well, then?”

“Yes, we… that’s… I’ll just…” Eskild stuttered before pointing to something behind him and quickly backing away.

_So, Eskild was capable of blushing then? Who would have thought..._

“Okay, tea’s ready,” Isak stated, pushing the cup towards Even - who accepted it after giving it a cautious sniff. “It’s boiled water and a tea bag, Even. How bad can it be?”

“According to Sana-”

“Sana is a lying liar who lies. Also, it was _One. Time_. And I didn’t know how to make tea because _I drink coffee like any other sane person does_.” Even took a step back and held his hands up in a pacifying gesture, which made Isak glare even harder at him, “Maybe I’ll just use tap water again next time she asks for tea, hm? Tell her that that is how you taught me to make it?”

“Fine, you’re the master of tea making, please don’t make Sana hurt me,” Even begged, walking over to Isak and pulling him into a hug, burying his nose into his neck for that extra Isak experience.

“You’re _so_ lucky you’re cute,” Isak muttered in response, trying to hide his smile as he wriggled closer into the hug, their bodies lined up from nose to toe.

“Before you two take this any further, I’d like to point out that I’m still present,” Mikael reminded them, sounding amused. And possibly a tad concerned.

Isak dropped his forehead to Even’s chest with a small whine of frustration, “I don’t like you anymore.”

“Duly noted. Now how about you two try to keep your hands off each other long enough for us to get today’s filming over with?”

Even let go of Isak and took a step back, resulting in another whine from Isak.

“I don’t think I like you anymore either,” he grumbled.

“It’s a cross I’m willing to bear. Now, let’s go.”

*****

The intro to _In the Navy_ started playing the moment Mikael opened the door to Isak’s room - which didn’t surprise Even too much. Yousef in a remarkably detailed sailor uniform gloomily clapping along to the music, on the other hand…

“Someone had to do it and Yousef lost last night’s strip scrabble tournament,” Elias explained gleefully, zooming in on Yousef for a couple of seconds before panning back to Isak. “And don’t worry, we’ve already sent a _lot_ of photos to Sana.”

This made Yousef look even gloomier despite the song perking up into its catchy chorus.

“This is...” Isak was ignoring Yousef as he looked around his room with huge eyes. Even had to admit that he and his boys had done _good_. Also, he’d gotten photo updates all through the day so he had been prepared for it - but for Isak this must be like some kind of full on fairytale transformation. “...it’s fucking _wow!"_

“So. You like it?” Mutta asked, putting his arm around Isak’s shoulder and pulling him into the middle of the room. “We’ve tried to cosy the place up a bit, but also give it an Isak vibe, you know? Less ice cold, more Ice-ak?” This was met with a collective groan, which didn’t seem to affect Mutta in the least. “So, like the bed itself is the same, but with the new topper it’s now about fifty percent more comfortable. And the duvet is really fluffy and warm and you’ve got a shitload of blankets - okay, two blankets, whatever - but the bedding is linen so it’ll still keep you nice and cool despite what you get up to during the night.” He paused and looked over at Even, “Or who. No judging.”

“And we went for a light grey bedding and matched that with the curtains and rug as well as the lamps,” Yousef intervened, discharged from his position as a Village People. “That way the room won’t feel so dark despite the wall colour.”

“And we painted the desk, shelf and bedside table just a few shades lighter to give the room an airier, less cluttered feel,” Adam continued. “And we even managed to find a tissue box to match the wall colour, so... no more loo roll.”

He quickly took cover behind Mikael, but Isak was still too occupied with taking it all in to retaliate.

“It’s… I mean, you’ve basically just Bibbidi Bobbidi Boo-ed my room, full on Cinderella style. It _will_ still be here after midnight, right?” Isak asked, trying to sound nonchalant - even though Even (and probably everyone else in the room) could see how overwhelmed he really felt.

“I wouldn’t worry too much about the room. But, I mean, Prince Charming over here might of course turn back into a pumpkin any minute,” Mikael said, throwing his arm around Even and dragging him into a side hug. 

Isak didn’t look too worried about that as he walked around the room, reaching for the occasional trinket just to pull his hand back again, almost like he was afraid it would disappear if he touched it. It wasn’t until he approached the corner shelf and looked at the photos that he actually _did_ touch something as he reached out and turned the photo of him and his father face down on the shelf.

“Oh, yeah, and before I forget, Eskild has stocked up your bedside table drawer,” Mutta suddenly recalled. “I don’t think he’s stopped sniggering ever since, make of that what you want.”

“Oh, God...” 

Isak closed his eyes, clearly trying not to think about the horrors that he would find in there.

“Did someone just call my name?” Eskild asked as he showed up in the doorway, his wide smile dropping into an equally wide ‘o’ of wonder as he looked around the room. “Oh, Baby Jesus, this is _gorgeous!_ Belated Happy Birthday, my grumpy little kitten.”

He looked somewhat startled when Isak threw himself at him for a hug, burying a noise somewhere between a laugh and a sob into his shoulder, but he quickly adapted and mumbled small words of encouragement into Isak’s hair while stroking his back in slow circles.

Elias politely turned the camera away after a few seconds, letting them have some privacy. Also, he was sure Sana would appreciate some more footage of Yousef in the sailor suit. They were returning it later in the day, after all, so... better get their money’s worth.

*****

“Good morning,” Even said into the webcam - where the Briskeby boys were using skype to collect the last footage for the makeover video - and received a cacophony of greetings in return. “And a good morning to you too,” he said to the disgruntled Eskild who was sitting in front of the laptop glaring balefully at the screen.

“It might be for some, but for those of us who need our beauty sleep it is a pretty _bad_ morning, thanks. _Terrible_ , even,” Eskild replied.

“Hm?”

Even had already lost interest in the conversation, fully focused as he was on the half dressed Isak making scrambled eggs over by the stove.

“What Eskild means to say is, he wishes we’d used at least some of the makeover money to soundproof Isak’s room. Rumour has it you two can be… rather vocal, apparently,” Adam told him helpfully.

_Ah. That…_

He walked over to the stove and wrapped his arms around Isak’s waist, noting that Isak’s ears might be a bit redder than usual - the only indication that he’d registered the remark.

“Morning, baby,” he mumbled into Isak’s neck, placing a light kiss on a purple love bite - probably one of the reasons for Eskild’s noise complaints.

“Morning, pumpkin,” Isak replied as he looked over his shoulder, his eyes softening and his mouth turning up in a smitten smile. 

“I resent that, I am still the same impressive Prince Charming I was last night” Even huffed, trying to strike a heroic pose. Which… no.

“Hey, if the squash fits…”

“That doesn’t make any sense,” Even complained in a soft, low rumble as he tightened his arms around Isak.

“ _You_ don’t make any sense,” Isak murmured back, tilting his head so he could watch Even from under half closed lids, pouting up at him in demand of a kiss.

They couldn’t stop smiling long enough to kiss properly, they just stood there sharing each other’s breaths, so close that every inch of them was in contact.

“Oh, God,” Eskild muttered under his breath - not able to completely suppress a fond smile. “Just look at them. This place will be absolutely overflowing with heart eyes and unicorns from now on, won’t it?”

“Why is there talking at…” a barely awake Linn checked her watch as she entered the kitchen, “Jesus, ten to eight in the morning? On a day off? Who even _are_ you people??”

“And a good morning to you too, Linn,” Eskild returned pointedly. “Did you get your beauty sleep disturbed by Loud and Louder over there too?”

“Hm?” Linn looked over at Isak and Even. “Is Isak… _cooking?_ ” she asked, disbelief written all over her face. “And hi, Even, what are you doing here?”

“Isak,” Eskild replied petulantly, making the Briskeby squad cackle through the laptop speakers.

“Fuck off, Eskild,” Isak grumbled absentmindedly, not looking away from Even, his expression still one of complete dick drunkedness. 

Linn narrowed her eyes as she looked between Isak and Even.

“New boyfriend?”

“Yes. What? No! Or… I mean… oh, fuck it!” Isak moaned, burying his burning face in his hands.

Even turned off the stove and moved the by now well scrambled eggs off the burner.

“Hey. Isak. Isak?” he prodded, bending his knees and leaning back a bit so he was at eye level with Isak. 

“No!” Isak’s voice was muffled by his hands and he was apparently not planning on coming out of hiding anytime soon.

Even pulled gently at Isak’s wrists, only resulting in Isak burrowing into his chest instead, “Come on, Isak, I want to ask you something.” Isak’s answer was too indistinct to decipher either way, but Even continued anyway, “Have you thought about getting a new boyfriend to go with your new room? Because I know someone who might be interested.”

“Yeah?” Isak asked, raising his head just far enough so that one eye could peer cautiously up at Even.

“Yeah.” 

“Okay.”

Linn slow blinked a couple of times before shaking her head. “Ooookay, I’m going back to bed,” she decided. “Congratulations on the boyfriend. I like him.”

“Even!! Eveeeeeeeeen!! Our main man!! Eveeeeeeeeeeeeen!!!”

“I think it’s for you,” Eskild said wryly, indicating the chaotic celebrations taking place on the laptop screen. He walked over to Isak and gave him - and parts of Even since they were more or less intertwined - a warm hug. “Aw, my little baby is all grown up... I might need a tissue.”

“There should still be some left on their bedside table. Well, probably…” Adam leered at them.

“I am not going into that _den of iniquity,_ what kind of boy do you take me for?” Eskild replied in a high pitched shriek, clasping at his bosom in a - pretty poor - impression of a scandalised old maiden aunt. “I _am_ going back to bed, though,” he continued in a more normal tone. “I take it you can keep your hands off each other long enough for me to get at least a couple of hours of undisturbed sleep?”

He left the kitchen before either of the boys could answer him - which was probably for the best.

“But I _like_ when you have your hands on me,” Isak pouted, leaning up against Even’s body and pecking at his lips.

“Good thing I like having my hands on you, then,” Even murmured back, his lips just millimetres from Isak’s.

“Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!” the Briskeby squad encouraged them. 

Even looked over at the screen, his eyes almost disappearing into happy crescents, “You think we should?”

“This whole youtube video is a freaking fairy tale, of course there needs to be a kiss at the end,” Elias informed him haughtily.

“Right. Of course.” 

Even raised his eyebrows at Isak, who was resting his chin against Even’s chest and looking up at him with an expression of pure adoration. Isak nodded, and Even’s grin grew impossibly brighter. Combing his left hand through Isak’s hair, pulling softly at the curls at the nape of his neck, he reached out his right hand and - to the sounds of quite innovative insults - closed the lid to the laptop. 

“So. Boyfriends, then?” he asked, watching Isak’s mouth with an unfocused, wanton look.

Isak nodded and licked his lips, smirking as Even copied the action. Leaning up he nudged playfully at Even’s nose before pulling back and brushing a soft kiss to Even’s cheek. “Boyfriends,” he agreed and smiled, adding another soft kiss to Even’s other cheek. 

Even followed Isak’s movements, trying to catch his lips, and after another playful nuzzle, Isak let himself be caught.

_Since the invention of the kiss there have been five kisses that were rated the most passionate, the most pure. This one left them all behind._

And then they lived happily ever after...


End file.
